My journey to 25 has been an intricate, insightful, yet beautiful one. Before it becomes official at midnight, I'd like to share a few tidbits that I've learned along the way.
25.) Relationships Aren't Bandages- When you operate out of a place of desperation you latch onto people who drop feed you what you need: love, validation, appreciation, affection. It is imperative to learn how to become that source for yourself so you won't tie yourself to those who aren't meant for you because they are the only source you are getting those things from.
24.) Stop Being Easily Impressed- The bare minimum is not luxury. Stop selling yourself short. It's unfortunate if you continue to because you're worth more than you'll ever know. Those who treat you with respect, are consistent and tell you the truth should be appreciated but not put on a pedestal for doing what they are supposed to do. When you put people on a pedestal, you begin to overlook things that shouldn't be ignored.
23.) No Man is Worth Fighting Over- However, men who are worth a fight would never put you in the position to have to.
22.) Learn Your Attachment Style- We always hear about the importance of learning our love language. Yes, it's important but it's also important that we learn our attachment style so that we can effectively set boundaries.
21.) You Know When It's Time to Walk Away- Mixed signals is an answer. When you start googling stuff like "What does it Mean When Someone Says/Does..... or "How to Be Strong", it's time to let that person go. You know it too.
20.) Stand Tall In Who You Are- People are always changing the goal post. Trying to live up to their approval will leave you exhausted, and in a place where you'll always be uncomfortable being proud of yourself because you'll feel as though you're not enough. Make sure that you are measuring up to your healthy, high standards, and no one else's. Yes, you deserve the best but your best and someone else's best can be two totally different things.
19.) Sometimes You're Not Being Lazy, You're Just Scared- It kind of hurts thinking about all of the time I wasted simply because I didn't believe in myself. It's okay though. I'm here now.
18.) Being Comfortable In Your Skin is a Process but It's Worth It- Sometimes we're scared to be free because we're concerned about what backlash and opinions that are on the other side. When you accept who you are, you give others no choice but to love it or leave it. Dance more, write no matter if anyone is reading and speak your mind as long as it doesn't cause unnecessary harm.
17.) It's Okay to Outgrow People- Sometimes we feel guilty for not wanting to hang out with people who haven't really done anything bad to us. Sometimes they annoy us, drain us, or their personality no longer meshes well with ours. We run out of things to talk about and we no longer relate. They aren't bad people, they just are no longer our kind of people and that's okay. That's apart of growth too.
16.) Forgiving Yourself Does Not Mean You Are Excusing Yourself- There are things we beat ourselves up about, constantly apologize for, and dwell on. We want forgiveness and to show that we're sorry. However, forgiving yourself is an important step too. If you don't you'll be holding yourself captive for things you've already paid the price for. Forgiving yourself does not mean you are no longer sorry. It just means you are aware that life isn't over and at some point, you just have to move on.
15.) Consistency is King to Everything- We're in an era of instant gratification. You can get the information to any question you have just by asking Alexa. You can cover tonight's dinner, groceries, and other engagements instantly through an app. With life happening so fast, we've grown less patient. So when we don't get instant results on something we're working on we get discouraged. It's not that you aren't talented, you just have to keep going. The great thing about constancy is that you are going to get even better at whatever you do because you're simultaneously getting practice and practice makes perfect.
14.) Excuses Aren't Quantifiable- You either get it done or you don't.
13.) Prioritize Experiences over Material- You deserve luxury AND leisure. Yes, buy the purse but next time you "treat yo self" buy a ticket. Visit places that are so beautiful that it looks like a desktop wallpaper. Dip your body in the world's clearest water that earth has to offer.
12.) Become a Master- You can have more than one skill but master them. Make a list of what you want to learn/do first and focus on that one thing, not until you get it right but until you can't get it wrong. Experts say that it takes 10,000 hours to master something. Distribute your time as you please but get it done.
10.) If You're Going to Give a F*CK, Make It Count- We don't know how much time we get but we do know that we don't get it back. Be intentional with your time. Don't waste it on fights with no goal of resolution, petty things, and environments, and people who do not deserve your time.
9.) Be Proud of Yourself During the Whole Journey- Don't be one of those people who say "Congratulate me when I make it". You must take in every moment of your journey and celebrate the small victories too. When you wait until the end to feel good about yourself, you're going to feel like "Okay? Now what?" Enjoy the entire journey so you aren't always chasing a feeling.
8.) Focus on Being Healthy and the Rest Will Fall in Place- People put all kinds of supplements in their bodies that haven't been properly tested nor approved. They also try all these fad diets that sometimes do more harm than good. They may get you to your fitness goal quickly but they will not keep you there. Focus on nourishing your body and keeping it active and the rest will fall in line. Most importantly, be patient with yourself along the way.
7.) Limit the Benefit of The Doubt- Sometimes we can get extremely busy and forget to check in with the ones we love. However, when it becomes an occurrence and the excuses outweigh the effort, it's time to stop accepting excuses. You can be understanding without being stupid. You deserve reliable relationships. Do not allow yourself to settle for less.
6.) Passive-Aggressiveness is Disrespectful to Yourself- Say what you have to say exactly when it needs to be said. Holding anger in and never addressing it is harmful. Your stress increases significantly and when you finally implode, it'll most likely be during a small situation which you will blow out of proportion and that can also be harmful
5.) Closure is a Scam- When you finally muster up the courage to make your decision and end a relationship, sometimes they will reach out and ask for the two of you to meet up and have another talk. That's strategic. They are trying to challenge your decision and change your mind. They have no intention of changing their behavior, only your mind. Save yourself from the bulls*t remix edition.
4.) Self Care Isn't Just Facemask- Self-care is also crying (cleansing), doing what's hard but necessary, writing your feelings, cleaning out your phone, purse, closet, and surroundings, twerking in your room, screaming into your pillow. Self-care is allowing yourself to be free and vulnerable when needed.
3.) Always Be Humble- You can fall to the bottom as quickly as you can rise to the top. No matter how good life gets, do not ever lose your compassion. Our situation can change at any time. People will always remember how you made them feel. You never know who you'll end up leaning on.
2.) Make Time to Read- You may hate reading but it's usually because you haven't found what you're interested in yet. Reading is so important because it widens your perspective. I've never been to the Middle East but a book called "A Thousand Splendid Suns" educated me and made me weep for those there. I would've remained oblivious without reading.
1.) You're Never too Old to Improve Your Life- So many people think it's too late to go for what they want. I have a friend in her late twenties who felt as though she missed her chance to change her career. She already has her degree in something else and thought it was over. I didn't mean to laugh in her face but Ava Duvernay made a career change at 32. So did Vera Wang at 40. As long as you're breathing it is not too late to turn things around. You don't have to finish everything by 30. We need to dead that mentality. It's a nice goal post but life does not stop at 30. For many, that's when it begins.
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