Have a Good Day or Don't, Whatever.

I know for a fact that I am not the only one who knows a few people who are committed to being miserable. I'm not talking about your aunt who struggles with mental illness or your cousin who is fighting through unforeseen circumstances. I am talking about that friend whose problems are always self-induced. As soon as the phone rings and you see their name across your screen, you already know that this is a conversation you're going to have to play therapist during (that's if you pick up). If you are an empath like me, or simply just a supportive friend, people like them are the first ones to reach out to people like you. 

It's the 5 year anniversary of the job your friend Tanya supposedly hates so much. This is also the job responsible for her anxiety attacks. She also never showed up to any of the interviews for the jobs you referred her to throughout those 5 years. Happy anniversary Tanya! Speaking of anniversaries, you're on your way to the ER to meet Lana. Lana's toxic 3-year relationship "ended" with a bang this year. No, literally! Her boyfriend banged his "like a sister" and she banged down his door like a sheriff. In result, she banged up her knuckles and dislocated her wrist trying to get into his house to throw a vase at him and break his Xbox. You know, just to cry and stay like always. Throughout all the self-worth, and you can do better speeches y'all been through, you know that he's going to be the one to end up picking her up from the ER. Just how much you're committed to being a good friend, Lana is committed to her bullshit. 

At this point,  you don't know what to do next. Fortunately for us, I cracked the code. First, you're going to need some tea, some fuzzy slippers, and a soothing playlist. After that, you're going to take your index finger and stretch it out. You don't want to strain it while powerfully hitting the ignore button because the code is minding your damn business. They have to get it together on their own. The days of thinking for them is over. The days of giving them advice that they are going to debate you on as if what they're doing is working, is over. The days of giving them clear proper channels for fixing their issue just for them to not even take the initiative to start, are over. You cannot want peace for someone more than they want it for themselves. These people are miserable because they aren't sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're fed up but they aren't. I knew a girl who wouldn't leave her cheating man because apart of her found excitement in having girls to argue with every other month. The only reason why they aren't together is because she got bored, and decided she wanted better for herself. Kind of weird, but she was fed up and that's what it took. Not her friends repetitive "girl, leave him" text. 

You can't detox for other people. You can push someone but that doesn't mean they will move. Some people are rooted in their chaos because they made it apart of their identity. Once you realize that, you'll know how to deal with those friendships accordingly. I straight up tell those people that I don't have the mental capacity to hear them complain about anything they aren't willing to take action against. Or when we do have a conversation, and they vent about the same thing going on month 3, I ask them "So what are you going to do about it? " which tends to buy me some silence. Not taking on people's problems, especially self-induced ones, has been liberating. Peace should be a priority but it's also a choice. So, you can have a good day or don't. Whatever. That's a job for you and not me.