I had every right to be pissed but what I did about it was my responsibility. I was over the little fortune cookies and speeches that told me that anger was a waste of time and that “allowing” other people to “make me angry” was a sign of weakness. Well,, forgive me Sensei for not smiling through getting lied to and manipulated. How dare I frown upon that regardless of my degree and years of experience, my company did appreciate my value. You’re damn right I’m pissed that I had to get into debt first in order to start my life and get an education. My bad for also being frustrated with friendships that took more than they gave. I am not weak. I am human. Anger is a natural emotion as well as any other emotion. My favorite quote from one of my favorite books “The Subtle Are of Not Giving A Fuck” by Mark Manson is “Negative emotions are a call to action. When you feel them, you’re supposed to do something. Positive emotions, on the other hand, are rewards for taking the proper action.” Negative emotions at this point was an understatement. I was pissed off to the highest level of pisstivity. At that point, I was angry enough to promise myself that the current state of my life will never be my life again. I am going to do something today, even if I have to die 1,000 times to find my peace. My anger became a motivator. I wrote down everything on my list that was inconveniencing my peace and tackled each, one by one.
I was emailed probably the most unprofessional contract I’ve seen to date by my “company”. I laughed at the typos and illogical demands. I then emailed back my grammatically correct, professional resignation letter. I no longer had time or energy to serve things that weren’t serving me. I went out that night, took a few shots of Jameson to the face to celebrate choosing myself because see, not everyone is going to choose you. You have to rely on yourself to choose you every time. The next morning I spent more time on LinkedIn than on Facebook. I was looking for companies that I could positively contribute to and would pay well enough for me to invest in my own dreams. Entrepreneurship has and still is a goal but I knew that I had to invest in myself before anyone else. I got rejected 624 times. That’s how many job applications I filled out. While being rejected, I still continued to do things for myself every day that added to my life. I know success is a bunch of little achievements that build up. Crawling in the corner defeated was not one. I got so pissed off that I went up to my old high school track and ran around it for 3 hours a day. I was so mad I did squats up and down the bleachers. I was angry and fed up enough with relationships that lacked reciprocation, I cut ties with everyone who drained me and did it unapologetically. I wrote down all the things that hurt me on a piece of paper then burned it. I then wrote down a list of things that I will no longer accept in my life. Writing things down brings life into things. I then wrote down the things that I wanted in my life and things that I forgive myself for and promise myself that I will have. Self-doubt was not an option at this point. I was too pissed off to be scared. I literally released my anger and stuck it to ‘em by doing things for myself and choosing myself BOLDLY.
Here’s where anger has brought me today. Allowing myself to feel and being honest with what I was feeling, was emphatically a call to action. Listening to that call of action has resulted in weight loss. I dropped 15lbs off of my body and 175lbs that once stood beside me. I am now working for a very successful company that has been rooted in award-winning journalism for nearly 200 years. The benefits are great and the experience is rewarding. I am also being provided the proper means to invest in my own dreams. I have my Roses (you guys) to talk to every day and be vulnerable with. I have loving and fulfilling friendships and relationships. I’ve grown spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Lastly, I monetized all my talents. I’m coming for everything that I promised myself. Not suppressing my emotions and embracing my anger along with the rest of my natural emotions is what brought me here. When you get pissed enough, you seek resolution. Don’t let some app tell you that you’re mentally weak or immature for getting angry. Be mad. It can change your life. Note that the rights that we have today are because the right people got angry.
No comments:
Post a Comment