"Alexa! Play No Scrubs!" : Dating Deal Breakers

Dating can feel like a long series of never-ending interviews. However, you will cut your time down significantly by knowing what you will and will NOT put up with. Here are some of my personal deal breakers. 

Poor Hygiene 

Imagine sitting around the table while everyone is looking and sniffing around, trying to figure out where that spoiled broccoli in a hot garbage bag smell is coming from, and it turns out that bag of funk is your boyfriend. Absolutely not. I will not deal. If your breath is always the first thing to approach me when you come towards me, we can end it right here. If my eyebrows are in jeopardy when I lay on your chest because you and deodorant haven’t met yet, we can stop this now. Let the record show, I am not a shallow person. However, we have to draw the line somewhere and hygiene is that location. 

Disrespectful Towards Women 

Only being respectful towards women you’re attracted to is not respecting women. Men who are always making jokes at women’s expense, slut-shame, body shame, have colorist views, victim shame, are rape-apologist, and think derogatory terms are synonymous with the word “woman” are a “NO” for me. Not only do I not want to hear you speak, I could not imagine having a son in the future and him being raised by a “man” like that. I will not have it. 

Cannot Prioritize 

Here's an example. I am at an age where many men have children. At this point, I am fine with that (as long as there's no drama with the mother). However, let me find out you don’t take care of your kids. You can lose my number. Taking care of your kids isn’t just buying them shoes for back-to-school. It’s beyond just supporting them financially. Children have emotional, mental, and spiritual needs that need your attention. There should never be a time where a game or a date should come before your child’s needs. If we have plans that conflict with the plans you have with your child, I expect you to reschedule with me without hesitation. Not only will I understand, but I will also be extremely enchanted by that decision. Any man who does not properly love and respect their child who is part them, cannot possibly properly respect or love anything or anyone else. Speaking of prioritizing, this leads to my next deal breaker. 

Broke in the Mind 

If you take care of money, money will take care of you. I cannot stand a poor mentality. If you have a room dedicated to hundreds of shoes but no retirement plan, then I can’t even imagine building a future with that. I have worked so hard to become financially literate and sacrificed a lot to save and invest my money. I refuse to potentially marry someone who will exhaust my funds. You don’t have to be rich but you do have to use wisdom with money. Know when to stop spending. Be honest with yourself in terms of something being out of your budget. Execute smart shopping.  Be open to growing your money in a legal, and reasonable way. 

Controlling 

You can think the world of me, be loyal, and attentive as you could possibly be but that does not mean a thing to me if you’re controlling. I want a teammate, not an owner. I never want to feel like making my own decisions is putting me in danger. I don’t want a partner that feels threatened by my freedom. There are too many crimes of passion out there for me to take signs of control lightly. Telling me what I can and cannot wear is not going to work. Telling me that I cannot go out with my friends or make a career move is absolutely a no for me. I don’t mind considering my partner’s feelings but I will not allow someone to run my life either. I also do not want anyone invading my privacy. Things like requiring me to provide my password to every account I own, checking my call log, stalking my social media, having too much of an opinion on who you want me hanging around or not, and not respecting my "me time" is unhealthy. That is emphatically a deal-breaker for me. 

I don’t think my list is that long. I just want you to not be abusive and smell good. It will save you a lot of time being honest with yourself in terms of what you will and will not put up with. What are some of your deal breakers? Comment them below. Trust me, it is healthy to have standards.