I would be lying to you if I told you that coming home to your best friend and living every facet of life with them by your side isn't one of the most beautiful things ever. I would definitely be lying to you if I told you that I did not want to experience that beauty one day. However, the more obsessed I became over it, the more the dark side of that desire began to appear. Here are some of the things I've noticed that I've done out of obsession over that dream.
I Walked Down The Aisle In My Head Too Early
I used to be that girl who said: "I date to marry". I didn't date to learn, to experience, to find out what I did and did not like. I was dating to marry because I thought I was on a time-schedule (be careful with thinking that you need to achieve everything by 30). Every time I met someone I liked, I would silently imagine what our lives would be like together. I even wondered what our kids would look like. Oh, and let the first few dates go really well. I would cut off every other guy I was talking to because subconsciously, I felt like I was completely off of the market. He was probably my husband! You may not see anything wrong with that because you hear about people meeting their husband at "first sight". You also hear about two people meeting for a reason. I had to realize that I DID meet people for a reason. That reason just wasn't always marriage. Not every guy I date is potentially my husband. They are just lessons on my way to meeting him.
I Tolerated More Than I Should Have
Walking away became harder than it needed to be. Due to me prematurely walking down the aisle in my head with the person I was with, I felt like giving up on them was basically like giving up on my future husband. I commonly heard stories about men ending up with the women who stood by them through tough times and immaturity. However, I realized that I wasn't listening to the full story. The real tea was that the "ups and downs" they were referring to was cheating, disrespect, and taking those women for granted. Many times those women would build those men up just for the next woman to reap the benefits of her hard work and tears. If those men did end up with the woman they dragged through hell and back, most of the time, they are still disregarding them. She just built a tolerance over the years and things only get slightly better. He may not be cheating anymore, but he's still not fully valuing her. I had to realize that when I tolerate more than I should, I am not giving up on him, I am giving up on myself. I am teaching him how to treat me. The person who is meant for you may go through hard times but their struggle isn't going to coincide with devaluing you and ignoring your love language.
I Got Discouraged
The thought of dating became exhausting after a while. I began to feel like there just wasn't anyone out there for me. Like, maybe my soul mate is really just Hot Cheetos. When I did meet a guy, I would think "What's the catch? What trauma are you going to project on me today?" I literally thought nothing was out there. Then I hit the realization that who I want is out there, it's just not their time to come. It blew my mind because I thought I was ready to meet Mr. Right because I know how to have a healthy relationship, I am emotionally available, and I know that I would be a great wife. BUT, here's the thing. I still had personal goals that I have not reached yet. There are still some "selfish" decisions I have to make for myself or I will regret not doing those things for myself for the rest of my life. For example, if I met my husband today and I wanted to move out of state, I would have to consider him in that decision. I cannot just disregard his feelings and move. All relationships take a little sacrifice. I would be a great wife but right now I am not in the space to sacrifice. I had to face that reality. I am somebody's future wife but I am not ready for him right now.
In conclusion, I used to put too much importance in getting married and achieving that goal at an "ideal" age. My person will be the right person at the right time. I don't have to compromise who I am nor my standard of how I should be treated. I don't have to force anything nor do I have to actively search for them. Everything will happen when it is supposed to.
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