I Don't Have to Date You Just Because You're Nice

If you’re going to be nice to me, be nice to me because you’re genuinely a kind person. Do not offer me a friendship with motives.  One of my friendships ended because of this. A few years ago, I met a guy who appeared to be really sweet. As I got to know him, he admitted to me that he initially reached out to me because he found me attractive. I was flattered but more importantly honest. I expressed to him that I like us as friends and I do not have any romantic feelings for him. He said that was fine and still wanted us to continue our friendship. That’s exactly what we did. However, I noticed as our friendship carried on, there was some passive aggression that began to creep in. 

I had no problem helping him through his problems, giving him dating advice or being an ear to vent to. However, when I was going through turbulence in my dating life, he’d make snide, entitled remarks. He’d say comments under his breath like “You gave him 2 chances and you won’t even give me one”. I started paying close attention to his words and actions. He celebrated all of my break-ups and even tried to sabotage the process of me dating a mutual friend of ours. Our friendship was officially toxic. I confronted him because this behavior was simply not okay. I couldn’t just let this go, he needed to be held accountable. 

22 Lessons I've Learned by 22 years old

1. Give Yourself Permission

I hate to admit it but I was toxic to my own dreams. I didn’t truly believe in myself. I talked myself out of EVERYTHING, even this blog. Then the more I ran from my purpose, the more miserable I became. I finally gave in and opened up my laptop. I’ve been in love ever since.

2. Pour From Your Overflow

I used to think that if I didn't put myself before others, then that meant that I was selfish. I would give my all to people only to be left feeling drained with no one there to pour back into me. When I started pouring from my overflow, I stopped feeling depleted. If I decided to give anyone my energy and there was no reciprocation; it was fine in the end because I did not give them what I couldn’t afford to lose. I was still full. I looked out for myself and gave an amount that was healthy for me. I found comfort in knowing that I was not being selfish. I was being selfull.

3. People Don't Need a Million Chances to Be Good to You

Everyone deserves a second chance they say, maybe even a third. However the people I had to give multiple chances to eventually were cut out of my life. Repeated mistakes are actually decisions. No one is perfect but those who truly value you won't keep hurting you. Their genuine love and respect for you will not allow it. Don't let anyone play dumb with you. They are aware of their actions. Constantly explaining to them what they did wrong (which they already know) just helps them keep up their "oblivious" act.

Don’t Reheat Cold Fries: Release to Receive

The aroma of freshly fried potatoes fills the atmosphere. You reach into the oil-stained bag to grab a fresh, hot, golden, crispy fry. The crunch and the flavor of the fries are euphoric. As much as you want to keep eating you get full. You close the bag with the intention of continuing to devour them later. Then you go back to them later that night. They’re cold so of course you have to reheat them. Unlike when you first got them, they’ve lost their crisp and no matter what you do, they are never going to be the way they once were. They’re stale and beyond repair. No matter if you sprinkle a little water on them, put them in the microwave or the oven, it’s never going to be as enjoyable as they were in the beginning, just like that toxic relationship you keep trying to make work.

You May Not Cheat but you Still Suck as a Partner.

I was dating a guy who literally matched all my interest and spoke my love language. We loved the same music, art, and  style. We traveled and shared so many adventures together from concerts, basketball games, to Jazz clubs. We taught and showed each other so much. He always made me feel wanted. He used to surprise me with flowers, cards of appreciation and even had a fruit bouquet delivered to my house to thank me for a date. I showered him with gifts and tokens of appreciation as well. He won over my family and friends and I won over his. We talked from sun up to sun down. We were both introverted but never got tired of each other’s presence and couldn’t wait to unite every time we part.