22 Lessons I've Learned by 22 years old

1. Give Yourself Permission

I hate to admit it but I was toxic to my own dreams. I didn’t truly believe in myself. I talked myself out of EVERYTHING, even this blog. Then the more I ran from my purpose, the more miserable I became. I finally gave in and opened up my laptop. I’ve been in love ever since.

2. Pour From Your Overflow

I used to think that if I didn't put myself before others, then that meant that I was selfish. I would give my all to people only to be left feeling drained with no one there to pour back into me. When I started pouring from my overflow, I stopped feeling depleted. If I decided to give anyone my energy and there was no reciprocation; it was fine in the end because I did not give them what I couldn’t afford to lose. I was still full. I looked out for myself and gave an amount that was healthy for me. I found comfort in knowing that I was not being selfish. I was being selfull.

3. People Don't Need a Million Chances to Be Good to You

Everyone deserves a second chance they say, maybe even a third. However the people I had to give multiple chances to eventually were cut out of my life. Repeated mistakes are actually decisions. No one is perfect but those who truly value you won't keep hurting you. Their genuine love and respect for you will not allow it. Don't let anyone play dumb with you. They are aware of their actions. Constantly explaining to them what they did wrong (which they already know) just helps them keep up their "oblivious" act.

4. Don't Allow Yourself to be Paralyzed by Fear

A lot of times I use to count myself out. Whether it was fear that I wasn't qualified, fear of failing, fear of humiliation, I was scared of my purpose. I've missed out on opportunities being fearful of the unknown. One day my mother told me "If you're scared then do it scared, just make sure you do it." Ever since then, scared or not, I faced everything that I needed to face to further my growth. 

5. Enjoy Your Solitude 

There's beauty in just being present. Me time is so important. Take yourself out for dinner. Treat yourself to a spa day. Grab a really good book and vibe out on the beach. If the beach isn't an option go to the park and spend time with nature. If it's too cold, chill at Barnes and Noble and have some coffee with your good read. If you can't leave the house, light some candles and put on your favorite vinyl record. Just take time out to spend time with yourself. That's typically the time your breakthrough happens. Be still. It's about you right now. 

6. Protect Your Peace

Before you allow ANYONE back into your life at any capacity, ask yourself "How is this relationship going to impact my mental health and can my peace afford their presence?" You do not owe anyone who makes your life toxic anything. No one is going to protect your peace. That is your job. If anyone tries to guilt you about protecting your peace and cutting off anyone who is an assassin to your joy, cut them off too. You don't need a relationship with their co-signers either. 

7. There's a Difference Between Your Timing and The Right Timing 

Be glad that you don't get everything you pray for. It's great that things do not happen when you always want them to. I remember having my heart set on an opportunity. It was the first big opportunity that presented itself during my drought. I ended up not getting it. Months later, I received a better offer and it was perfect timing. I found out later the offer that fell through, ended up being a failing project. Trust the process. 

8. Do Everything with Integrity 

You truly do get what you put out. People have gotten away with BS for so long they feel invincible. However, pride always comes before the fall. So many people plant poison as if those weeds won't sprout. With that being said, it is important to make sure everything you say or do aligns with your values. Give proper apologies when you mess up. Be genuine. Grow fruit instead of weeds. 

9. Affirmations are Transformative 

Words are powerful. They move things within your life. Make sure you are speaking the things you want into existence. Most importantly, stop speaking negative things upon yourself that you do not want to come into existence. Whether good or bad, the things you speak out will come to fruition. I found a list of affirmations I made 3 years ago. Everything on it happened or is in the process of happening. 

10. Care about Things even if you are not Directly Affected

Your situation can change at any time. A situation that was once foreign to you may later hit close to home. I remember in college I paid no attention to the protest of budget cuts on campus because I was graduating soon. Shortly after, my favorite teacher (who was supporting a family) had his job cut. I regret not fighting for them. 

11. If you are the Smartest Person in the room then it's time to find a Different Room

You should always be growing. Never stop feeding your mind. The world is way too limitless for you to be limited. Don't just live life, experience it. 

12. Learn how to say "No!"

After you learn how to say no, practice saying no without giving an excuse. When you are constantly saying yes, people begin to feel entitled to you. When you finally do say no then they do not believe you because when it comes to you, it's always been yes. It sucks but you taught them how to treat you. There's freedom in no. When you say no you do not have to agree to things that give you anxiety, or volunteer to anything you hate. 

13. Your Art is Important

Your Instagram and bank account may not reflect it yet but someone needed to hear your song. Someone was captivated by your painting. Your words spoke to someone's soul. Your art is important. Stop counting yourself out. The late, great Bernie Mac said "Worry about being great. The money will come." 

14. Have a Vision 

Do you have a vision board? Mine is stapled across from my bed. I wake up every morning and it is the first thing I see. When I wake up, I know exactly what I'm coming for. It's right there in my face. 

15. Be Selective 

Your standards are not too high. Don't settle for what you can get. Take what you deserve. So many people are in love with their significant other's potential and not the actual person. Never fall in love with potential because not everyone reaches their potential. Potential is too faulty to build a foundation on.  

16. Not all Friends are Forever

You have every right to outgrow people. You do not have to stay friends with Jessica from 3rd grade forever. It is important to have quality people around you. The world throws so much at you, The last thing you need to deal with is extra negativity. Even if they don't bring chaos, if they simply just conflict with where you are in life, it's okay to move on. 

17. Closure is a Scam

You break up with someone. They propose that you two should meet up and talk because they don't like how things ended. They claim that they would like to leave off on better terms. In reality, all that does is keep a door that was once closed, creaked open. Since you all are "friends" now they feel comfortable texting you to see "How you're doing". Down the line they're going to want to hang out because they "miss the friendship". Next thing you know, you become someone who is at their convenience and mix signals come into play.  Don't be accessible to a lukewarm person. You deserve a relationship that is not half-hearted and a friendship that doesn't come with motives. 

18. Be Proactive with your Health Instead of Reactive 

Take your liver into consideration. Limit your alcohol intake.  Eat food that is good for your brain. Keep your digestive tract healthy. Stay hydrated; drink plenty of water.  Sometimes take the stairs instead of the elevator.  All these things will help you have a quality life. 

19. Protect Your Dreams

People will try to talk you out of your desires. The reason may be because they couldn't do it themselves. They may not want you to surpass them. Some people may truly have your best interest at heart but their thinking is too limited. They can't imagine something so great happening for you. They think success is like playing the lottery. Whatever it is, protect your dream from those people.

20. Your Value is not your Profession 

You are more than your job. Businesses fail everyday. What's left is you. Your job does not define your heart, mind, and purpose in life. Your vocation pays the bills but who you are as a person impacts the world everyday. 

21. Learn Financial Literacy 

Think about your future. Would you like to spend your golden years working or traveling? Take that into consideration. Don't rely on just one income. Learn about passive income. Always know what's in your bank account, don't spend what you do not have.  Shop for deals.  Invest in yourself.  Have a savings account separate from your daily expense account and make deposits only.  Even if it's $5, it will add up if you don't touch it.  The small efforts you make everyday builds up so prioritize.  Lastly, stop calling yourself "broke" even if you don't have money at the moment.  Stop cursing your finances.

22. Learn from Other People's Mistakes

Being observant is beneficial. I saved a lot of time learning what not to do and why not to do it by looking at other people's lives. When I've gotten into situations, I referenced other people's experience and how they overcame what I am going through. I saved plenty of time doing that. 

I am always learning and always evolving. I'm glad that you all are on this journey with me. I love every single one of you Roses. Please comment the lessons that you've learned within your life. They may be insightful to not only me but the other fellow Roses on here.