Are You in Love or Infatuated?

Love is something you grow into and infatuation is something that you fall into. Infatuation is fleeting. It’s more emotional than a state of being. That is why infatuation burns out so quickly. There may be numerous things you like about a person but the physical attraction to them is the most intensifying. They love how you love them. They love the idea of being in love, but they truly do not love you. Once you hit a space where you may not show love in the same way, the relationship is gone. It was never you that they loved. They loved what you were giving them. That could be intimacy, support, time, words of affirmation and attention. Infatuation is always taking. Love doesn’t expect anything in return but organically gives reciprocity. Infatuation sounds like “I want you”. Love sounds like “I want us”.

Love would rather have your presence in their life than what you can do for them physically or materialistically. I remember my friend being in awe over people staying in relationships with a partner who was physically disabled and unable to perform sexual acts. I chuckled and told her that’s not how love works. Although the human body has needs, the intensifying love you have for someone overpowers all obstacles. They’re deeply intertwined. They love the person more than any act they can ever do for them. Their soul makes a million dollars look like chump change. Being conventionally attractive and physically able are merely obsolete when it comes to true love. A kiss on the forehead is the physical touch they look forward to everyday. Seeing their happiness is good news to you. If a person stops showing love the way they used to, a person who is in love with them will try to figure out the issue and ameliorate what went wrong instead of leaving them when they are no longer stimulating them. When turmoil occurs, no matter how angry you are with that person, you have the respect and love for them to not break their spirit. You watch your language and actions because it breaks your heart to break theirs. Love doesn’t fight to win. Love fights for a resolution.

Love and infatuation can appear to be synonymous. One way to know the difference is by writing down all the things that make them physically attractive and all the material things that they have to offer. What you wrote down are things you can’t mention as to why you love them. On another piece of paper, write all the things you love about them without mentioning anything from the other list. Are they the kind of person you would love your children to be like? Can you tell they appreciate and care about you without them just saying it? Are their actions concurrent with their words? How do they make you feel on the best and worst days? How does loving them impact your mental health? If their physical appearance or ability were to be gone tomorrow, would you feel the same way? Does it hurt being away from them or does it hurt staying with them? This line of critical thinking will bring you to your true answer. This is your life. This is your time. This is your energy. Be analytical and protective about all those things.