Stop Waiting Until You Go Through A Break Up to Be a Friend Again

Balance is important in all relationships. However, some people lack it. I think we all had a friend before that disappeared every time they got into a relationship. We may brush it off and say “that’s just them” but in reality, it isn’t right. You can’t just pick and choose when to be a friend to someone. That’s not how friendship is supposed to work.

There have been quite a few times where you’ve made plans with your friend and they flaked out or left early just to be with their significant other. There have been times when you called your friend for advice, or to just be a listening ear but their support was no longer available because they wanted to be on an 8-hour facetime call with their significant other. Getting their time was like playing the lottery. You never know when you’re going to get it.

You accept things for what they are and move on with life and other friendships. Then out of nowhere, your MIA friend calls you in despair to announce their breakup. Now, they are looking to you to be that ear and shoulder that you were trying to get them to be for months. They abandoned you and are looking for you to help them put together all the pieces. They weren’t there for you but want you to be there for them without hesitation. They finally decided that they need a friend. Well, let me tell you something. You are not obligated to drop everything you’re doing to be there for them. You are not a convenient option and you have every right to let them know that.

It is selfish to expect someone to accept anything one-sided and half-hearted. Being in love is a beautiful thing and I understand loving every second you’re around the person you love. However, all relationships need balance. it’s healthy to take a little break for a day and spend time with your friends and family. No one wants to replace anyone. It is just expected to maintain all relationships in your life. Just because you’re in a relationship does not mean you have to be unreliable. Your loved ones of course know that they won’t see you or hear from you as often as they used to, but they should not be expected to totally lose you. As much as your friends are rooting for you and your love life, keep in mind that if it doesn’t work out it’s your friends that are there to comfort you so treat them right. You should not have to choose between your relationship and friendships, you can have both. Make sure your actions are reflecting that.