Committing prematurely will bring you a world of hurt. It is imperative that you learn boundaries and apply them to all relationships in your life. Many times, we meet someone we are really into and instantly think of ourselves as “off the market”. They look great, smell better, can charm your pants off, and sometimes if you let your mind race long enough, you can see you all’s wedding day. Slow down, baby. This is where we mess up. We set these expectations that aren’t aligned with where we truly are in terms of the kind of relationship we have with a person. You find yourself doing relationship things for someone who is not yours. You’re letting them drive your car. You’re building a relationship with each other’s families. You’re spending serious money on each other and taking trips. Some people even join their finances together. You end up reserving yourself for only that person. You stop meeting people, going out, trying to be considerate of a relationship that doesn’t even exist. It’s like credit. It looks like yours but it’s not really yours yet.
Contrary to some’s belief, titles do matter. A common excuse people say to help them sleep at night is “I don’t need a title, I just need the bond.” It sounds cute, but it is not true. People do not like titles because titles come with responsibility. If you are a mother, you better live up to it. If you are a doctor you better know what you are doing. If you are a boss, you better be running something. People will give you the idea of a relationship but not the real thing. You’ve been talking for 2 years because they are reserving a part of themselves from you. They cannot commit to you fully. There are some responsibilities with the title that they cannot fulfill or simply do not want to. That can be faithfulness, time, or the other fundamentals of a relationship. Staying in the “talking zone” also gives the person the ability to say “Well, we’re not even in a relationship. We are both single” when you confront them about something they have done that would normally be disrespectful to someone in a relationship. Save yourself from getting hit with that excuse by establishing boundaries.
Here are what proper boundaries look like. If you are talking, you are still single. Single means that you are allowed to meet and get to know other people if you wish to. Single means that you can go out with your friends and dance with whomever you would like to. You are not obligated to buy expensive gifts, nor do I recommend you do, on a person you are just talking to. It is also unnecessary to meet and develop any sort of relationship with one’s family. You all don’t even know if you’re going to progress to anything more. One may promise that you will and that you’re almost official but that’s when you have to bring that person back to reality. Until they solidify that the two of you are in an official relationship, keep the core things that come with a relationship out of what you have right now. That is like renovating a house that you are renting. You are investing a lot into something that isn’t even yours. That’s why when the two of you stop talking, it hurts so much because you invested so much for nothing. You can choose to talk to only one person if you like but it is a choice, not an obligation. Be a girlfriend when you are actually a girlfriend. Know what place you are in and stay in it regardless of what anyone says. It’s not about what one says. It’s about what they do. If they want to be with you as bad as they claim they do, they will make that step to ensure so.
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