I stare at your lips from across the table. Your lips are moving but I don’t hear a thing. My brain no longer allows me to process your excuses. Once upon a time, your eyes possessed a glow. Now I just see emptiness. Your hands feel like sandpaper on my skin. Your voice sounds like impending doom. As each day goes by I have less and less hope that I will ever be intoxicated by your presence again. My heart has built a resistance towards you. I have run out of energy to forgive, reason, and advance further with you. Freedom feels like being free from you. You don’t know what love is and I am tired of trying to teach you. It still hurts to be without you but it sure hurts damn worse to be with you. I left before I left you.
After a break-up one of the first things one asks is “How can you just up and leave someone you love?”. Let me know when you find the answer because to my understanding, it does not happen that way. People leave emotionally and mentally before they do physically. It starts off with fleeting thoughts. You’re in the shower and you wonder for a second how would your life change if you ended this relationship today. Then you continue to scrub away. You then go to the store and bump into a happy couple. They have a glow around them that once looked familiar. You wonder if you will ever feel like that with your significant other again. Then as the days go by you begin to notice the things you’re unhappy with more and more. They get more and more distinctive as time goes by which also leads you to notice how much your partner is either oblivious to them or just don’t care. Then the resentment begins to root. You stay until you build the courage, or just simply get exhausted enough to where you can’t take anymore, and leave. Any argument you have with them is liable to be the two of you all’s last one with each other. Or one day you may not even argue, you just may run for it because you cannot take another day, not even another hour of being their lover.
Everyone has a breaking point. Some are more extensive than others but there is such thing as enough. As you grow as a person, the things you were able to look over last year won’t fly with you this year. It may be your fault, it may not be but it is a build up when someone leaves. You weren’t just left as if you were nothing. This has been a cognitive, calculated, process. If you gave all the love you can give and did everything you possibly could for the relationship and someone leaves you, don’t allow yourself to feel like less than what you are. As you wilt and grow again as plants do, realize that it is a new season and they aren’t suitable to be a part of it. However, don’t believe that discontinuing the relationship was an impulsive decision. They were gone before they walked out of the door.
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
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