Short Story Sunday: Erase, Replace, Embrace, New Face

“What the hell am I doing?” I scream to my best friend Cassie via FaceTime whilst showing her my 8th outfit change. This is the very first date I’ve been on since the end of my 8-year relationship. Let’s just say when a man says that he isn’t ready for marriage, believe him.  Anyway, I almost feel guilty for going on this date. I haven’t looked in another man’s direction in almost a year after the breakup. I was still emotionally committed to him. I completely was up until I met Rowan. He goes by “Ro” for short. Makes sense because he sure “Ro’s” my boat (I know corny but couldn't help it). Everything about him is captivating though, from his strong build, his glowing almond roasted skin, and eyes that make the sun envious. He’s on the cusp of clean cut and earthy which makes my pupils dilate twice their size. His most sexy feature, however, is his mind. When he speaks I hear wisdom, intelligence, and observation. I finally got comfortable being on the phone with him but this is our first official date so my nerves are frenetic. “Bitch, he said dress comfortable. Why are you wearing a dress?” Cassie asks irritably.  I pull the maxi dress from over my head and throw it into the reject pile. Maybe I am over-thinking this. I walk over to my dresser and opt for a pair of shorts and a flowy top. He said to dress comfortably and besides sweats, this is what’s comfortable for me. I put on minimal make-up but enough to make my face pop. As much as I would love to go with a beat face, this hot California weather won’t allow it. I’d sweat it all off. Can't give him scare-crow aesthetics. My phone buzzes, it’s Ro. 

*Ro: I'm on my way, I hope you're dressed comfortably.* 

*Me: Yes... I am...what are we doing exactly?*

*Ro: You'd like to know, wouldn't you? Be there in 5.*

I don't know if his adventurous personality is scary or exciting but it's time for something new. The doorbell rings and I look at the clock. He's right on time. I open the door to be greeted by a big vase full of Sun Flowers and Ro shyly behind them. I've never received flowers before. I invite them both in and place the flowers in my living room by the window pane. We then head out to our plans that he requested that I dress comfortably for. He opens my car door, then he hops in and cues the playlist that I sent him two nights ago."Baby let's cruise awayyy from hereee" D'angelo sings as we cruise towards the sun. His rosewood eyes glisten in the light. He slightly turns to me, cracks a smile and places his right hand on top of mine while keeping the left on the steering wheel. I can't feel my feet. I feel like I am staring at a mirage. Who is really this smooth? Who is really this damn fine? I am hoping with every fiber of my being that he can't feel how sweaty my hand is. He reads my mind. "No need to be nervous, I got you." his deep, comforting voice assures me. I don't care where we're going. Ro is an adventure in himself. He then grabs my hand a little tighter. Minutes go by which feels more like seconds. We pull up at this Vegan ice cream shop I always wanted to try. Wow, he really listens. I vaguely mentioned it when we first began talking. 

Excited like a child getting ice cream, I grab for the door. ”Nope, around me you don't touch a door or a wallet.” he says as he gently removes my hand off of the handle. He then gets out the car to open my door, helps me out, and closes the door behind me. He then holds out his arm for me to loop mine in. We walk up to order and before I say what I want, he orders exactly what I want for myself. Great memory. I'm again impressed with how attentively he listens. Moments later we get our ice cream and find a place outside to sit and talk. I ask him a few questions about himself so that I can go in on this lavender ice cream as he speaks. We've been talking on the phone non-stop for 2-3 weeks but there's still so much to know. We end up talking about 90’s hip-hop and bond over our love for a Tribe Called Quest. I'm trying to dodge any heavy topics that can potentially scare off anyone on the first date. It's harder than I thought because something about him makes me feel so safe and comfortable. 

We ride to the next destination. I have no clue where we’re going and he’s not giving any out either. As we ride I notice our surroundings becoming more and more wildlife like. Then we pull up to what seems like a campsite. He hops out and opens the trunk then opens my door. In his left hand, he has a big basket and an African Print blanket. He then loops his arm into mine and says “follow me, Queen.” As I follow him my mouth drops. My eyes begin to water. I lay my eyes on the most beautiful lake I’ve ever seen. Our surroundings were very open. Rich green trees, clear lake, and a huge rock he made a comfortable pad on for a nice, intimate picnic. Not only is this romantic but this location is what’s on my Pinterest. I had no clue where this was but fell in love with this place when I saw it online and he found it and brought me here. It may sound silly but this kind of detail and effort is overwhelming for me. Imagine living with a man who makes you feel invisible. No matter what I did, I was not enough. It’s crazy how someone you’ve known less than 8 weeks can make you feel more special than someone you’ve been with for 8 years. He opens the basket and full of it are foods that I told him were my favorite. 

We’re pretty much done eating but I feel him staring at me. “What are you looking at? “ I ask jokingly. “A queen I would like to spend my time trying to deserve,” he answers then winks at me. I couldn't help but blush. ”Don't try to run game on me,” I say. I'm on cloud 9 right now but referencing history, this is the point where you get infatuated and your vision gets distorted. I don't want that. I don't want to be toyed with and I never want to feel the way I felt again with my ex. He hurt me on a whole other level. Apart of me doesn't even want to get excited on this date. This is the first day I haven't peeked on my ex's FB page though so maybe this is good? "Damn, you got issues like that?” He chuckles. I smile awkwardly. "I don't know what happened, but all I can show you is me and my genuine intentions, only if you allow me,” he says. It really seems like Ro can read my mind. ”I know my worth and I won't allow anyone to treat me less,” I say. "I know it too but I can show you better than I can tell you.” I can't even playoff how intensely attracted I am to Ro. The sun gracefully shining on him at this moment is only making if more electrifying. At this point, we are lost in each other's eyes and slowly fading from the conversation at hand. "Stand by that tree for me,” he says as he turns his phone horizontally. ”Are you trying to take a picture of me?” I ask a little confused. "When you admire a view, you take a picture so it'll last longer,” he says all giggly. It's an odd request but I'm flattered. I start twirling and posing silly in front of the camera. He then stops, stares at his phone, and then looks back up at me as if he just had an epiphany. I look at his phone and it's me. I look serine, at peace and I'm dancing in the sun. My phone starts getting a bunch of notifications. I see that he posted it and tagged me. I haven't glowed like this in a while and this photo captures it all. I hug Ro and thank him for the picture. Something weird happened when I did. When I hugged him, I couldn't let go. His arms felt like home. I felt as though I was finally where I was supposed to be. I feel myself falling into his chest. I can hear his heart beating quickly. I feel intoxicated. I look up to find his eyes. Hoping they will tell me they feel the same way. His lips greet me instead, answering that question for me. As he kissed me I felt sunflowers burst out of my chest. I forgot I had knees. As my eyes are closed I see nothing but glitter. His kiss felt like he was breathing life into me. A first date never felt like this. A man never felt like this. My phone begins to buzz and subsequently ended our lip lock. 

*Jay: How’s Life going?* 

Reads a text from my ex. I rehearsed a million times what I would say or do if he ever reached out again. Now that I'm here, I know exactly what to do. Live. I stuff my phone into his back pocket and allow Ro to breathe more life back into me. Our lips lock perfectly and his kisses feel like freedom. This is how I deserve to feel in this only life that I have, emancipated from relationships that no longer serve me.