What It Looks Like to Love a Man Who Doesn't Love Himself

He Needs Constant Validation or Else  

Let you go one day without calling him handsome, sweet, or any term of endearment, he will get the notion that you think there are better men than him out there and you’re interested in searching for them. This wreaks havoc on the little confidence they do have. To avoid this, they will try to make you chase them. They do this by starving you from affection and attention so that you will work twice as hard to keep them. You’ll work hard by flooding them with compliments and romantic gestures. They read in a fortune cookie that absence makes the heart grow fonder and ran with it ever since.  The romantic things they do or say to you is not just to make you feel good, it’s for them to get those same things in return and then some. They don’t want a girlfriend, they want a groupie.  They balance it to where they do enough to keep you but also keep you thirsting for them. 

Constructive Criticism is an Attack to Him

Their flaws are not up for discussion. They are aware of them but don’t even love themselves enough to fix them for themselves, let alone you. They are looking for someone to overlook their flaws, not look into them. Wanting improvement for someone more than they want it for themselves is a draining, and dead-end journey. You can’t love someone into perfection. You can give them all the wisdom, words of affirmations, and even the clear proper channels as to becoming a new and improved man. However, it is all useless if they aren’t willing to put in the work let alone properly acknowledge their shortcomings. 

He Doesn’t Value Time 

Not only does he not mind wasting your time, but he also does not mind wasting his own. Those who love and value themselves know that you can make money back but not time, so they want to make the very best of it. They make sure that their time and energy is being donated to things that improve their lives. A man who loves himself would not juggle multiple women and play reckless unnecessary games. He doesn’t have time for anything that lacks substance.  A man who loves himself is looking to elevate himself and those around him. The way he loves himself reflects how he loves you. Is he wasting your time? Does he contribute positively to your mental and emotional health? Does he bring distractions into the relationship? Men who don’t value themselves don’t value time. 

He Works on Himself Externally and Never Internally 

He will spend hours in the mall but won’t sit an hour on a therapist’s couch. He’s more focused on dressing rather than addressing. He can be a nuisance to everyone he dates but will find solace in having a $500 belt instead of peace. His importance on looking good and receiving compliments for it takes priority over healing himself so he doesn’t damage those around him. A man who is at war with himself is at war with everyone else. It doesn’t matter to him though because his lining is crisp. 

He’ll Let You in Physically but Not Emotionally

You can explore every inch of his body except for his mind.  The most he will give you is a few sad stories to justify his actions at most but he’s not going to reveal his real insecurities and fears. There’s a world deep inside of him that you do not know because he is scared to go down there himself. When you fight he’d rather just undress you than address how he’s projecting his trauma onto you. For some reason, he thinks he can hump his problems and emotions away. Anything more than physical affection is way too close for comfort.  Another part of self-love is healing. He’s either not ready or willing to do that.

Commitment is more difficult for Him than Others 

It’s not even just that he loves validation from multiple people; commitment has a scary side to it for these men. Commitment comes with titles and titles come with responsibility. In a committed relationship, both parties are responsible for spending a lot of time together and getting to know each other in all facets. The fear of their partner discovering their flaws, insecurities, and true thoughts are unnerving. In result, they keep you at enough distance that will make it difficult for you to do so or at enough distance where their facade doesn’t become obvious. That’s why they either float in the “talking” stage to avoid commitment or when they are in committed relationships, they don’t fulfill all the responsibilities that come with it. Apart of loving yourself is being honest with yourself and they aren’t able to do that so of course they aren’t offering that kind of honesty to their partner. 

You may be wondering what you can do about loving a man who does not love himself. The best thing you can do is tell them what you’re noticing and it is their job to work through their personal issues. That is not a burden you can carry for someone. You can be as supportive as you possibly can be but loving themselves is a job they are only qualified for. If their lack of self-love is detrimental to your health, you may have to cut them loose. You can’t build a healthy relationship on just potential because some people never reach their potential. You’ll spend your life unfulfilled, wondering what day will be the day they will decide to love themselves so that they can love you properly. It’s natural to feel sympathetic to their situation but you have to think about what’s best for you too because no one is going to do it for you.