I'm Not Even Mad I'm Just Done

At some point, you get tired of "talking things out" and constantly explaining your boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate. I had a friend who would be thoroughly shocked if you told her that the sun did not rise and shine on her ass. She was one of those people who expect you to drop whatever you're doing and tend to her as soon as she calls. If you didn't, you were an unsupportive friend. When you did come over her house to drink wine with her and listen to all her problems, she would chastise you for not doing it more often instead of just enjoying the moment. It was like damn if you do, damn if you don't.


Not only am I an introvert who needs her space to recharge, but I also had a demanding load of classes and a job. I barely had time to do a face mask let alone hop on a train across town because she does not want to make brownies by herself. It was so bad to the point her boyfriend even had to tell her that if she intended on keeping me as a friend, she has to stop being so demanding and fussy. We've had endless conversations about me only having so much time for myself, how much I had going on, whilst still having other relationships to maintain. This was no issue for my other friends. Just her of course.

After each conversation, she would say that she understands and knows that she is being dramatic and that this was an issue with most of her friendships. Then a little time would go by and she would be back to trying to make me feel guilty about having any kind of fun that did not involve her. One of my close friends from high school got married and she flipped out that I was not going to go straight to the club with her after I leave my friend's wedding that ended at 10 pm. I officially reached the line of done. I was beyond tired of her comparing herself to my other friendships and even telling me that if I had time for my boyfriend at the time, I had time for her. I got more stern with her than ever before and stopped apologizing for living my life. 

This resulted in her telling others that I was just this bad friend that didn't value our friendship. She deleted me on social media hoping that would get a reaction out of me and make me want to reach out. I didn't even acknowledge it. Her absence felt like freedom. I continued on living. I don't respond to tantrums. That did not sit well with her at all. As expected, I get sent the longest most manipulative ass text that ended with an ultimatum. I scanned through it of course because the friendship felt like a chore and it came with more cons than pros.  I was no longer interested. At that moment, it hit me that I am not obligated to keep every friendship and I do not have to hate or even be angry with everyone I am no longer friends with. I had no more fight in me in terms of that friendship because it was not a friendship I wanted to fight for. I did not want to be her friend and that was okay. I was not angry. I was just done. 

There's a misconception that if you end a relationship or a friendship it should follow up with some sort of beef or bitterness. Not every character in the chapter makes it throughout the whole story. The whole situation with that friendship had so many lessons in it for me that were necessary for me to learn. It taught me that it is okay to give myself permission to let go. I don't have to fight to keep everything and everyone because that is how you sink. Ships only sink when the water gets in. Some people's actions and their problems that they come with can end up affecting your inner peace if you let it. I no longer allow the situation on the outside to get in the inside because I refuse to sink for anyone. Another thing I learned to do was let go with a smile on my face. I don't have to respond to the backlash, negativity, or even participate in a feud. Beef is not a prerequisite to ending a friendship. That is why I assure you that if you are no longer in my life, I am not mad. I am just done.