There’s a thin line between taking the higher road and being passive-aggressive. In the journey of not trying to go to jail, I’ve struggled with that balance. Fortunately, I’ve learned being the bigger person does not mean I have to be a doormat. I’ve mastered the art of eloquently putting someone in their place and also differentiating between which battles are worth fighting, or just letting them fade away into oblivion. I do this by briefly asking myself a few questions.
The first question I ask myself is “If I don’t address this now, will this become a pattern later? “ Constant disrespect stems from an encounter. I had a coworker who used to talk over everyone and only thought what he had to say was important. Sometimes he’ll even go as far as responding “Whatever” to someone’s suggestion. Everyone used to roll their eyes, make remarks behind his back, but no one ever addressed his rudeness which created an ecosystem for him to be comfortable being rude....then he came across me. Unlike my coworkers, I addressed his disrespect immediately. Mid-conversation he cut me off and said “Well, that’s stupid. I think —“ and I immediately said sternly “I am not finished talking. Also, not only will I not be interrupted, I will not be insulted.” He looked like he saw a ghost. He was finally in an environment where he cannot be comfortably disrespectful. He never did that to me again. I stopped it before it became a pattern. Once things become a pattern, they become harder to break. Believe it or not, people pick and choose who they can slide on things with. Once you let mugs slide, they’ll start ice-skating. Check that.
Another question I ask myself is “Am I protecting myself?”. I don’t go to battle unless I know what I’m fighting for. Think of the number one person you love the most. I LOVE my mommy! That is my best friend. With that being said, you are not going to roll up on her any kind of way. I am on defense when it comes to her. I've learned that’s the way I need to be with myself as well. Instead of being passive aggressive, I stand my ground when I am in compromising positions. I learned to protect myself just the way I protect those I love most. However, I am protective with wisdom which leads to my next question.
I ask myself “Am I fighting smart or just fighting for pride?" Remember. We aren’t trying to go to jail. Jail houses a lot of people who had justifiable reasons to be angry but did not fight smart and just out of pride. If someone cuts me off on the expressway, yes I’m going to be pissed. Pulling over to fight them however, will be a dumb battle to fight. I could take a deep breath, get an iced coffee, and continue on with my day and get over it. If that person chooses to lash out and threaten me, well they go to jail and I still get an iced coffee. Too much pride isn’t good for anyone. When fighters are in the ring, their goal is to win while also not getting touched, or touched as little as possible. Don’t be a bad episode of “keeping it real goes wrong”. You can light fire to someone’s ass without burning yourself.
It is important to stand up for yourself and it is even more important to do it wisely. Defending yourself helps protect your mental and physical health. Passive aggressiveness and letting others walk all over you is damaging and results in you losing control over your life. Be the captain of your own ship.
No comments:
Post a Comment