I sat there 3 chicken tenders deep, wondering when did wanting a man to hold doors become high-maintenance. It was my sophomore year of college. I met a guy who we're going to call "AJ", on campus. He went to one of the surrounding schools near my school. AJ was nice, funny, smelled good, dressed nice, tall, and athletic. In short, my type. We exchanged numbers and continued to talk and get to know each other. After my last class of the week, AJ calls me up and says "I'm going to be out your way tomorrow to check out this new store. You should come with. We'll hang out in the city, grab some food, and talk more in person." I accepted his offer. He then says "Great, it's a date." I found the cutest casual outfit I owned that was clean and sat it out for tomorrow.
We met up and walked to the brand new Jordan store. Everyone was pretty excited about it. Surprisingly even me because of how fancy and new it was. We walked around the museum like store, and then decided it was time for food. On our way there, I did notice something. He was walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. I then moved to the correct side and made a comment like "Ope, (sorry, I'm from the midwest) we're in the wrong place." He laughs and replies "Says who?" "Says etiquette." I shot back. We chuckled, even though I was serious about my point. However, I said what I had to say and I wasn't going to dwell on the issue because I wanted to enjoy the day. We continue to laugh, talk, and walk.
We walked past Wing Stop and it smelled amazing to our college noses that were used to smelling cafe slop. We decided to turn around and go in. He must have been very hungry or very rude, maybe both, because he walked right in front of me and did not open the door at all. Now, the sidewalk thing could've been an oversight but that? Na. That was rude. So, I didn't walk in. He turns around and notices that not only am I not behind him, I am not even in the restaurant. He comes outside and says "Why are you standing outside, are you coming in?" I said "You rushed in front of me and didn't open the door. You don't open the door for women?" He says "Oh, you're one of them." I must've given him the coldest look because he quickly changed his tune. "I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, you're right. I was just trying to lighten the mood, bad joke." He opens the door and I walk in. He ordered his food then pays for himself and I order my food and pay for myself. I didn't say anything about him asking me out on a date and not paying, because I knew it was going to be the last date.
We sit down and he starts the conversation. The more he talked, the more his immaturity slipped through as far as his views and outlook on life. He then talks about how he's happy he met someone he actually likes near campus and can't wait to introduce me to his friends. You can imagine how awkward that was for me. He's doing most of the talking and I'm just listening.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asks me in between bites of chicken. "Sure?" I reply. "Were you mad that I didn't hold the door?" he asks. "A better word would be offended. I thought it was rude." I answer. He nods his head "My dad taught me to do that stuff but he's really old school and when I take girls out on dates, they usually don't care." I just looked at him. He then adds "They'll say something in first but then let it go." he says confidently. I can tell he seriously felt his point was justified. He wasn't a bad person, just a little immature, but nonetheless, I knew I did not have the energy to assume the responsibility of a science project. I replied, "Well, it's not a matter of them not caring as much, YOU know better." Then I added, "Girls not reminding you how they should be treated doesn't give you the clearance to deviate from the basic manners you were taught, especially on a date." He looks at me and says "You're right, I just thought you wouldn't care. Of course, I am going to do all that stuff once you're my girlfriend." He concludes. I gave him a blank stare.
We leave Wing Stop and he walks me to my dorm. "See, I opened the doors," he says jokingly. I thank him for walking me. "You're not going to invite me up?" He asks in shock. I tell him that I don't think it'll be appropriate. In the end, the conversation ended with me telling him it was a pleasure getting to know him but I don't see anything romantically happening for us. AJ told me that it was okay, I am too high maintenance anyway, caring about doors and what not.
I then go upstairs to stop at my friend's dorm and vent to her and her boyfriend whilst sharing cold chicken with them. Her boyfriend immediately told me that what I was asking for was basic etiquette that I shouldn't have even been asking for in the first place. He also said I made the right call because a reflection of how someone respects me starts with the small things. My friend then leaned forward, pointed her chicken tender at me and says. "The Pick Me's ruined Chivalry. They don't set standards for themselves, thinking that makes them easier to be chosen, so when guys get to us, they think we should be reaching for that same low bar." Her boyfriend cuts in and says "Regardless, he should still know better. I hold the door for women that I don't even know because I have manners. You should already be doing that ESPECIALLY on a date. She shouldn't have to ask" They continue to debate who is more to blame but agree that he should've paid for the date he asked me on.
Fast forward, I get a call from AJ a year later. I thought he butt-dialed me but I answered anyway. He asks how I'm doing and tells me he has something to tell me. He apologized to me and said that he learned a lot from our date. He felt rejected but it made him think. He sees where he was wrong and he admired I stood up for myself. Also, he opens doors now. I'm not going to lie, that felt good. I was taught that you teach people how to treat you. I was proud in knowing that I respect myself and know how I want to be treated but it also made me proud that in the midst of doing that, it became a learning lesson for someone. One of the points of meeting people in life is to learn something from them whether it be intentional or indirectly. That's exactly what happened here.
No comments:
Post a Comment