You Become Dependant
You become a dependant serial dater. Not allowing yourself to process your feelings, heal, and learn how to enjoy your solitude, will make you feel incomplete being by yourself. There's a lot of people who are only happy when they are in relationships. They feel most beautiful when they are in relationships. They can have as many friends and family in the world and still feel lonely because they aren't in a relationship or don't have someone to give them romantic attention. When I was younger, I'd go through break-ups and think about "Who's next?" what cute boy can I get next to now that I'm single? Then I eventually got tired of wasting energy. It was draining getting excited about a guy just to tell my friends a month or two later "Nevermind girl, he's canceled." After so many fails, I got so exhausted and had no choice but to sit down and spend time alone. Time well spent. Now anyone who comes into my life is merely an addition because I am enough. I stopped using men as band-aids. It was unfair to myself and them as well.
You Hurt People
I've rebounded before and thought nothing of it until I was on the receiving end of it. I dated a guy who got out of a relationship that lasted for almost a decade. Unbeknownst to me, he only gave himself about a year to self-loathe, unhealthily cope, be vengeful, and dishonest with himself and also me. He wanted me around all the time. We were in constant communication when we weren't in each other's faces. He wanted to drown his unresolved pain with my admiration and affection, except I didn't know. According to his words and on the surface, he seemed to be all-in so I was all-in too. I thought we were building but in reality, he was masking. He eventually fell for me but all it took was a "Hey stranger, we should talk about some things." call from his ex to dismantle everything we've built and the progress he thought he made moving forward.
He ended up having unresolved feelings for two women now. His ex apologized to him so his curiosity and feelings he still had, left him wondering that if he were to give it another shot with her, will things change? Then he had me, someone who he created new, joyful, memories with who never did anything to hurt him. His curiosity also wanted to see how far we can go. So, what did he end up doing? He hurt everyone. He tried juggling us both. He'd hang with me one day, hang with her the next. He tried his best to keep us in the dark about what was really going on and made promises he couldn't keep. He selfishly didn't want anyone going anywhere until he figured his feelings out. This made his ex so insecure about if they're going to get back together or not that she started driving past his house. I found that detail out later but something didn't feel right when he'd ask me out, he'll say "Let's eat at this place, but I'll meet you there." He feared she'll drive past and see me. In the end, dark came to light. I've never been more disgusted and promised myself to never speak to him again. I heard she eventually did the same. Now he's unhappy and has neither one of us. He went from using women to cope with pain, to being alone. When you call yourself "healing" at other people's expense, not only does it end up feeling worse than the initial blow, it blows up in your face as well.
You Sabotage Yourself
Any disingenuous intentions you have with people whether it be intentional or not, you have to pay for that. The Law of Attraction has always stood true. You get what you put out. When you allow people to become collateral damage on your journey to trying to heal, that will come back to you one way or another. When I engaged with people with only my intentions in mind, I wounded up falling for someone who did the same but worse. When he took it a step further by not only using me to heal but manipulating two women for his benefit, he did not prosper either. I learned that you have to date intentionally. By intentionally I mean to be clear what your intentions are with that person and make sure that they are fully aware of your intentions. It's unfair to allow someone to blindly believe you two are on the same page. If you want something casual, say that. "Hey, I'm not looking for a relationship right now but I still want to get to know you if that's okay with you." They can say "I'm actually looking for something more. You may want to find someone who is looking for something casual." or they can say "Hey, that's fine with me. I'm in a space where I'm not looking to commit to anything but would enjoy some company." Don't try to take people's choices away by pretending to be what you think they want just so you can keep them around. The universe responds to the way you treat people. You can't move grimy and think you're going to sail away into the sunset. There's a bolder of the mess you made waiting to sink your ship. The people you hurt do not need to seek vengeance because it's already waiting for you at the door.
In conclusion, nothing good comes out of rebounding. You end up hurting people and ultimately yourself. Your intentions may or may not be malevolent but either way, you still will pay. That is why it is important for you to take time to breathe, heal, enjoy yourself, and not keep your misery company. When you truly are ready to have someone in your space, accompany them with integrity. I was taught to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." remember that when you make your next move.
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