"I can't even shower for work on time in my own shower." My friend said storming out of my bathroom. She had to use mine because once again, her roommate's boyfriend is inhabiting their place. His visits became staycations. Although her roommate pays the same portion of the rent, they have a whole new person basically living with him that they have not agreed on, and whose stay has had an impact on their utilities. I understand wanting your significant other around and as an adult, you should have freedom in your home. I also understand that guest overstaying their welcome can be overwhelming, inconvenient, and impacts how freely you move in your home. Whether you want to admit it or not, you censor yourself around the company. Your boundaries are modified when they are staying in your home. It may be an awkward conversation asking someone to leave or cut back on their visits but it is a necessary conversation. Here's where to start.
Be Transparent
I know you don't want to make them uncomfortable but they've made you uncomfortable too and you have to be real about that. If it's your roommates guest, it will be better to talk with your roommate first. Let them know that things have been crowded and that it has been difficult to navigate around a guest for such an extended period of time. Also, mention in detail about how their stay has changed the dynamic around the home. The utilities have gone up, you have to change your routine, you don't feel comfortable walking around in certain pajamas and your face mask anymore, you can't pop a squat in peace, tell it all. This is your time to provide clear communication.
State Your Boundaries
Your boundaries maybe that you would like for them to balance out there visits. One day at your place, one day at theirs. You may want the guest to leave at a certain time. You may request that guest do not use the shower or use it at restricted times. Whatever those boundaries are, state them and stand behind them. When you live with others, everyone should be considered. Even if you live by yourself, your guest should be respecting your boundaries. However, it is important to state what those boundaries are. "I don't like when your boyfriend uses our shower when it's time for me to get ready for work" is partly communicating. "Please let *name* know the shower is free after 8:30 am. I really have to get ready for work on time" is better. Don't worry too much about how the guest feels about your restrictions because at the end of the day, you are paying the rent and this is your home which means you have a say and that say is important.
Stick to What You Stated
Once you've stated your concerns and your boundaries, be vocal when that conversation isn't being honored. If your roommate's guest is still tying up the shower, taking over the common areas, or doing anything that goes against the compromise that was set, be vocal about it. Peace in your home is not something you do not slide under the rug or be passive aggressive about. If you let someone stay for 30 days and it's been 40 days, speak up. Your home is your sanctuary and if you have nowhere to peacefully recharge, that can begin to impact your emotional, mental, and even physical health. One place you should never be miserable at is home.
Some people end up moving out over this or ending friendships over this. However, honest communication hasn't always been a part of the equation. These awkward conversations tend to end up being handled passively aggressively because having a conversation about it is so uncomfortable. You don't want to hurt feelings or step on toes. However, this is the best way to handle situations like this because at the end of passive aggressiveness is a big blow out and that will do more damage than anything.
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