There's Nothing Flattering About Your Stalking

She got that man whipped" are some of the comments I've seen when Chris Brown found it necessary to harass his ex-girlfriend Karrueche once again via social media. A 5-year restraining order doesn't stop this man and there is nothing flattering about it. After years of disrespect and taking her for granted, some people feel as though that the fact that she still crosses his mind is somewhat a compliment to her. His complicit fans choose to skate past his violence towards women, including her, and rather address that he still has love for his ex and that's all that this is. They also feel that his stalker behavior is an indication of how great a woman she is. However, the truth is that yes, she is a great woman but this behavior has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with the fact that he has lost his control of how she feels about him and his ego is bruised.  He cannot handle rejection. 

Chris is one of many toxic men who are like this. "Yeah, he's with her but he still blows up my phone" is a reality for a lot of women. That's not love, that is control. As soon as you fall back into his arms he will go from adamantly chasing you to making you feel deeply undesired. The texts will become one to none. He suddenly becomes "very busy". Soon enough, you will catch them in lies and between other thighs. As soon as you leave, they will go right back to manipulating you into giving them another chance. They will pretend that you are their oxygen, The reality is that they don't truly want you. They just do not want anyone else to have you. They want to control who has access to you. Some men will go far lengths to reserve you and if they aren't able to they will like Chris, lash out. 

In conclusion, your value is not contingent on how much your ex obsesses over you. There is nothing flattering about someone disrespecting your boundaries, harming you physically, emotionally, and mentally. This is no way near a measurement of how desirable you are but merely a measurement of how toxic that man is. We have got to stop making excuses for men like this and mistaking their salty behavior for sugar. Even if they offer friendship you have to be wary of that. Toxic men crave access to what they cannot have. The ones who do women the dirtiest are always asking for friendship. Friendship is just a bookmark. Cut off all access. Their tears are empty so save yours.