I know it's cliche to say "The only thing holding you back is you" but in reality, it is. Every time you "do it later" or talk yourself out of that great idea, you are delaying your break through. They say six months of focus can put you five years ahead and I truly do believe that. We need to be be more nice to ourselves and we need to be more patient with ourselves, whilst still being relentless with improving. Sometimes we don't realize how we harm ourselves everyday. I know I didn't always realize how I was more detrimental to my goals than anyone out there who didn't want me to reach them. I have the biggest impact on my goals because I am the one in control. Once I realized that, I created a checklist of what self sabotage looks like. I had to have an honest conversation with myself about what things on this list am I doing to myself. This broke a lot of chains off of me and hopefully this checklist can be of assistance to you too.
How many times are you going to do it tomorrow?
You ever sat on an idea so long that someone else ends up doing it? That hurts right? You had everything together except the execution. There's various reasons why we put things off. Sometimes it's self doubt, poor time management, not willing to sacrifice, or simply just laziness. Once you figure out what it is and do something about it, you will be 10 steps ahead. Some people aren't more talented than you. They are just more hungry than you. When you procrastinate you allow others to outwork you and you are also putting yourself last which is never where you're supposed to be placing yourself.
How many ideas have you talked yourself out of?
Many times the difference between the person who did and the person who didn't, is the person who did, believed that they could. You don't have a talent issue, you have a confidence issue. Confidence and talent go hand in hand. You can't drive a car without any fuel so gas yourself up. Want to know something funny? Almost every popular blog post I had, I sat on for a few days. I literally had to have a pep talk in the mirror in order to have the courage to post it. I got up from my bed, looked into my vanity mirror and said "This topic, nor my perspective is stupid. I am worthy of writing. I am worthy of sharing. Any voice inside that says otherwise can shut up!" After checking my negativity, I pressed 'Publish".Sure enough, the blog post reached many, many, readers and anxiety was proven once again to be a liar.
Although I am funny, how many jokes are at my expense?
We have to be careful about how we talk about ourselves, even when we are joking. Our words attract. You can manifest the good and the bad. Do you notice how (I hate this word) broke people are always calling themselves broke? When I hear that, I correct it. "No sis, you are temporarily out of cash" or "Your finances are pending." It's okay to acknowledge what's currently going on in your life but don't attach your misfortunes to your identity. Your situation was meant to be temporary, not permanent. Humor makes the environment comfy which isn't always good. Don't make negativity comfortable because it will stay. You are not broke. You are not stupid. You are not trash.
Are you talking or are you listening?
You learn a lot when you shut the hell up sometimes. The man who knows everything knows nothing at all. With some of us, once we feel knowledgable about something, we feel like there's nothing else for us to learn. You know, you can learn a thing or two from not only people older than you, people younger than you too. Don't under estimate the wisdom of those your junior. Life has hit some people in a way where they've learned more in a year about life than what you may have learned in five years. Always be willing to be a student. When you put a ceiling over you, you stop yourself from expanding. Once I allowed myself to soak up the lessons in each experience, take away something from every encounter, I've felt more and more wise. You'll be surprised who you can learn from.
How many 0 days have you had this week?
On Saturday night I checked my phone and I only did 18 steps. I don't regret it. It's okay to have a day to decompress and do absolutely nothing. The issue is how many days like that we are having. We've all been busy doing a bunch of nothing before. However, relax after you've done everything you've could've done for yourself for that week. If you are going to be on your phone throughout the day on social media, at least use it intentionally. Follow accounts that give you ideas, tips, and even a little motivation. Social media isn't a waste when you use it correctly. It actually can become one of your biggest tools. Make the most out of your time. Earn that 0 day for the week.
Are you done being disrespected or should I check back tomorrow?
Never underestimate how low bad company can drag you. As I stated earlier, talent and confidence goes hand and hand. Venomous relationship can impact your confidence and drain you to the point where you do not have the energy to address your needs. We've all had days where someone hurt us so badly that we stayed in bed all day. It happens. We are emotional beings with feelings. However, when that has become our normal, that is a huge problem and distraction. Maintaining destructive relationships is self sabotage. They drag you down and paralyze you. You cannot control these people but you can control your exit.
When are you going to tell them "Not Today"?
You don't have time to work on someone else, working on yourself is a full time job. We are so committed to being good friends and family members that sometimes we don't realize that we are the ones giving and they are the ones always taking. Any slight convenience and your friend is calling you for advice on her 13th problem today. They don't care how early or late it is and what you have going on. You taught them how accessible you are and where you place time for yourself on your priority list. Not setting boundaries and sticking to them is a form of self sabotage. You will be depleted of energy and left with no time to work on you and your needs. Be at peace with saying no.
In conclusion, lack of balance is self sabotage. You can relax and be selfless but with balance. You can allow yourself to feel and not take life so seriously but again, with balance. The great thing about all of this is that the control is yours. Once you realize why you are stopping you from becoming completely you and take initiative to cut out those detrimental habits, you will be an unstoppable force and I can't wait to see it.
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