If you can't openly discuss how your Uncle Eugene's kids are both siblings and cousins, then you don't have to feel forced to explain why you're still single at the dinner table. I know the feeling of dreading being asked invasive questions out in the open all too well. I came to the dinner table to drown my macaroni and greens in hot sauce. Not to get interrogated on why I curse so much on facebook and when am I getting married. Fortunately, I made a promise to myself to stop doing unnecessary shit that I hate, like forcing myself to enjoy musicals and answering questions that I don't want to answer. Although being brutally honest is kind of fun, I found a kind yet stern way to answer invasive questions. This is "Per my last e-mail" sass but for your family.
"When are you going to settle down?"
Answer: I prefer not to talk about that part of my life today. However, when I do settle down, rest assure you will know because they will be here at dinner with us.
Basically, you just told auntie that she will see when she sees. You've spent all fall planning on doing Hot Girl Summer 2020 right. The last thing you need is external pressure from those who loved in a different generation as you which is why they don't understand that you are in no rush (that's another blog post for another day).
"What's your next step?"
Answer: I'll share with you soon but let's put a bookmark in that right now. I don't want to think about anything school or work-related on a holiday. I just want to relax and enjoy time with you all.
What a sweet way to tell your uncle to mind his damn business, right? You think about your future every day. It can be exciting and sometimes those thoughts are scary and stressful. When you have good news, you'll share it. However, some family members do not take the hint of your silence. Their concern is appreciated but on a holiday is not the day you're supposed to be figuring out your life, and pondering on the future. Eat a chicken thigh.
"Whatever happened with you and _____"
Answer: That question is a little too personal for me to answer. I just want to enjoy the holiday and hopefully, you understand :)
Okay, now they really tried it. You don't want to think about how Charles left you for Ashy Ankle Ashley and now you and your moisturized ankles are arriving at Thanksgiving single. You cried in the car before you got there and no nosey family member is going to pull you apart when you spent all that time in the car pulling yourself together.
"When are y'all having kids?"
Answer: That's something we will figure out privately as a couple. However, if and when we do decide to have children, we will happily inform the family.
This is rude to ask in general however this tends to be a burning question during the holidays. People don't realize that you may be struggling in your marriage over the decision of wanting kids or not. They don't think about what you two may have tried and suffered a loss or multiple miscarriages at that. It's just overall insensitive and extremely invasive to ask that question. I don't think there's a more nice answer than that.
"Did you gain weight?"
Answer: That question offends me and makes me uncomfortable. I would like to enjoy the holiday so I won't address that question.
Your cousin doesn't show the top of her wigs in pictures but has the nerve to zero in on your appearance. Blatantly rude questions deserve to be pointed out. You are not rude for pointing out that something is rude. Don't be afraid to be vocal about what questions are totally not okay to ask you. This is how they will learn how to speak to you.
In conclusion, the food is fire so you're definitely coming back to mama/grandma./auntie 's house for the holidays. However, it is important that you are comfortable and enjoy yourself while you are there. Don't allow nosey family members to put a damper on your experience. The sooner you put them in their place the better. They will most likely think twice about what they ask you because your response will be fearless. They will know that you have no issue teaching people how to treat you.
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