Hold Your Friends Accountable

After a long hiatus from my social life due to work, I meet up with one of my good old friends for breakfast. He’s been busy as well so he didn’t take my absence personal. We caught up with each other and reminisced about our fun times. I interrupted him mid-story. “Aye, what happened to dude y’all used to hang with all the time when you weren’t with us?” My friend lets out a laugh that sounded more like shade than amusement. “I don’t talk to him anymore because he doesn’t take care of his son”. I was shocked yet admired by his response. It actually had me thinking the entire day. 

Not every day you hear a lot of friendships end the way my friend's did. Usually, people fall out over a guy/girl or money. He chose to end the friendship because he refused to be an enabler or a “yes man” for lack of a better term. He went on to explain how he had endless talks with him about being a better father to his son. He disputed every excuse his friend came up with. “I don’t have money bro.” Then my friends will follow up with “Your son doesn’t just need financial support. He needs total support which isn’t monetary. Just show up.” He constantly made it a mission to hold his inconsistent friend accountable. Then one day, everything finally came to a head. His friend broke a promise to his son just to go out with him and the other guys. That’s when he realized that it’s not that his friend couldn’t be a better father, he just didn't want to be. His wants took priority over his son's needs. 

He told him frankly, that he was choosing his integrity over their friendship. He could not continue a friendship with someone so selfish, who had such disregard for a life he created. This may sound like an extreme decision to end a friendship over for some, but to me, there’s a huge takeaway from his story. 

Who are you becoming with the people around you? What are you willing to overlook regardless of your morals? Most flawed people’s toxicity grows in a circle of enablers. Their behavior is either overlooked or when it is addressed, it isn't addressed sternly. No one wants to boldly speak up and say "this isn't okay." Granted, your friends are ultimately going to make their own decisions. However,  you are doing a great disservice to them by letting their poor behavior slide. It took my friend cutting the guy off to think about the way he was treating his son. You can’t make someone change but you don’t have to co-sign to their bullshit nor be a bystander. Be the person that tells them the truth. Contribute to their growth, not their ego. 

Lastly, no one is perfect and we all have room to grow. However, the friends that actively reject change and growth, you have every right to separate yourself from. Working on yourself is already a full-time job, and those who are committed to their faulty ways are a conflict of interest. Hold your friends accountable and then place them accordingly.