I’m not going to lie. There was once a time I felt like I had a couple of friends in my group that were gunning for me. I felt like they treated me worse than my own enemies sometimes. When I addressed it, they told me that I was being “sensitive” and they were only joking with me. However, my discernment told me to zero into those jokes a little closer because there was some true feelings in there. So, when a recent study in the scientific journal PLOS ONE revealed that only half of your friends are truly your friends, I was not shocked. With that being said, I am going to elaborate on things I've noticed about those “frenemies”.
They Make Too Many “Jokes” At Your Expense
You would think that you are the honoree of a Comedy Central roast. They are constantly making fun of you, poking at your insecurities and have no regard for embarrassing you. You can walk into a room and they’ll say things like “Girl, what the hell do you have on?” or they’ll comment on your weight, hair, or anything that will make you less sure of yourself. When you check them on it and tell them that they are going overboard, they shame you by calling you sensitive. They try to make you feel guilty for not being able to take a “joke”. Every security you ever told them will sure enough be apart of their comedy routine.
They Put You Down In Front of People They Want To Impress
These frenemies not only constantly put you down, but they also do it in front of people. This is the friend that will ask you if your hair is real in front of that cute guy at the mall. These are the people who will bring up your personal business or shortcomings in conversation in front of the rest of your friends. They hate hearing you be complimented. A mutual friend could be admiring how sweet you are. The frenemy will then jump in and say “Too sweet, that’s why she’s always getting played”. Someone will make a comment about how pretty your hair is and they will come in and say “You should have seen her hair last week” and show a photo of your bad hair day. These are the friends that will applaud you doing well (kind of) but don’t want you doing better than them.
They Don’t Like You In The Spotlight
It can be your birthday and they will find a way to make it about them. They do not like the attention being on you. When you have good news, they aren’t that happy for you. They may smile and say congratulations at most. Something about you thriving eats at their soul. They will try to make you think your strengths are actually your weaknesses. If you are wearing a gorgeous dress that fits your frame perfectly, they’ll tell you that your body isn’t right for that dress. The spotlight cannot be on you. They will not allow it.
They Only Call You When They Need Something
You may as well send them a bill because you’re pretty much their therapist at this point. When they need to vent or they are going through tough times, you are only a phone call away. When it’s time for you to have an ear to vent to or in need of any kind of support, they are unavailable. If they are available, they are impatient with you and criticize you. They are barely even listening for majority of the conversation. They hit you with "dang, that's crazy" as your voice continues to fall on deaf ears.
They Get Angry When You Stop Doing Things For Them
The amount of rides, money, and food you financed is countless at this point. However, you have to think really hard when’s the last time they’ve ever done anything for you. The only thing that comes to the top of your head is that time you sneezed and they gave you a tissue. They have no problem taking from you but have a huge problem giving to you. When you peep game and stop playing Santa’s little helper, they treat you coldly.
They Alienate You
This is the frenemy that will take a group picture and leave you out of it if she didn’t “forget” to invite you first. They want you to feel out of place and more importantly, they want you to feel like they are the only real friend that you have. They know that if you feel like they are your only friend, you will be more likely to accept their half-hearted friendship and the BS that comes with it.
Feeling like the oddball, used, and attacked makes more sense than you think. These are calculated moves by “friends” who truly don’t have your best interest at heart. They do not like you but they like having access to you. They may see value in being around you because you have something they want, you have access to things or people that they want to have access to, or simply because keeping you down and around makes them feel better about themselves. No matter what it is, it is common and when you see these signs, trust your instincts and cut them off. These are the people who talk about you when you leave the room. This is not friendship. It is unhealthy and you deserve loyal, loving friendship. There is no benefit to keeping these kind of people around you. If these signs resonate with you in the slightest way, you have some cutting off to do.
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