I Shot My Shot and Made it: Women Share How They Got Their Men

1.      You would've thought I was invisible. He walked right past me every day in class. One thing I did notice was every time he spoke with our other classmates it was about sports but mainly basketball. So what did I do? I started asking my brother to help me understand basketball more, and help me keep up with the stats. Once I felt confident enough, I struck- up to a conversation with my classmates about the most recent games and included the scores and anything that made me sound like I knew my stuff. He finally looked my way and began noticing me. Once the semester ended, he asked me out on a date. Our first date was a Bulls game. I didn’t tell him until 2 years later that I only got into basketball to get his attention. I ended up falling in love with it and him. 

-Angela

2.       We used to take the same train every morning. He had to be and still is, the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen. I’ve always been the kind of girl who likes to be chased instead of chasing but things change sometimes when you come across someone you just can’t pass by. For months I was thinking of different ways to introduce myself to him without looking desperate or crazy. I didn’t even know his name so I couldn’t find him to add him on social media and hope for the best. Then one day I saw an open opportunity. It was actually an open seat on the crowded train, which was right next to him. I sat down. For a minute I was thinking of ways to start a conversation but he had on his earphones and I didn’t want to be annoying AND thirsty. Then by the grace of God, his phone died and I had a charger. I offered him my charger. He complained about Apple taking away the headphone port and I kind of just built a conversation from there with him. My stop was coming up so I airdropped him my personal cell number from my business cell and ran off of the train. I didn’t even look to see his reaction. I guess it wasn’t a bad one because he texted me that night and we haven’t stopped talking since. 

- Karine 

Short Story Sunday: Jaded

I'm a little light headed from donating blood but I’m going to drive Lyft tonight anyway. She’s worth it. I never saw myself being one of those corny dudes that make 3 paragraph Instagram post, bringing their girl fruit and Advil for their time of the month, or going into Victoria Secret BY MYSELF just to make sure she has enough boy shorts to match her mood. Hell, at one point, I wasn’t even publicly claimin’ a shorty until I met Lolita. If I gave you her Instagram handle right now you’ll think you understand why she has me doing things I never thought I’ll ever do. I’ll tell you right now that you’re wrong. With her, it’s not just about her beauty. I’m used to beauty. Lolita is deep. That’s not what I’m used to. She’s a library in human form. She walks with so much conviction, and she’s so eloquent with her words. She has the power to build you up and she has the power to leave you in shambles. That’s why I make sure I do right by her. She ain’t one of those girls you can handle any kind of way. She’s a rose with thorns.

The Silent Treatment is Emotional Abuse: Let’s Stop Normalizing It

Let’s make one thing clear. “Cooling off” is not synonymous with “The Silent Treatment”. In a healthy relationship, your partner will express to you that they need time to cool off because they aren’t in the proper head-space nor emotional state to have a productive conversation with you. However, the silent treatment is a different story. The silent treatment is a control mechanism. This tactic is a toxic form of punishment used to mold someone to do what you want them to do.

You may have been late showing up for dinner. Instead of addressing it, your partner refuses to speak to you the whole meal. After the meal, they cut all communication off with you for days. You sit around with this impending doom taking over you. You are wondering will the last disagreement be the final. They finally start to speak to you again. You two make plans to meet up again. Traffic is pretty bad and you’re now freaking out, near panic-attack because you know that if you are a minute late, this may be the end of the relationship this time. Being ignored can cause emotional distress and threaten your basic psychological needs. The “unknown” causes extreme anxiety and makes you feel ostracized. Every human wants to feel needed and important to someone and they take advantage of that. Without communication, you are left with no indication of how this person is actually feeling other than angry. You don’t know if they are angry enough to walk out of your life, seek someone else out of revenge, or what they plan to do next at all. All you know is that this person is not speaking to you and the possibilities with what comes with that are endless. It leaves you feeling powerless, ashamed, and willing to do or say anything to get them to acknowledge you again. A lot of times, you end up apologizing for disagreements that you weren’t even in the wrong for just so they will talk to you. Subconsciously, you begin to prioritize them speaking to you before your valid feelings. 

Before You Agree to Be Friends With Benefits Consider These Things (Or get your feelings hurt)

Casual sex is all fun and games until you're drinking Whiskey in the shower, crying and screaming the lyrics to "Ain't No Way" because your romantic feelings aren't being reciprocated. Before you flop face-down into the nocturnal hole of Unrequited love, here are some things you need to consider PRIOR to involving yourself in a friendship with benefits. If you feel your feelings creeping into the friendship, reference this article again to remind yourself what y'all have. 

Do NOT Enter The Friendship With The Intentions of Making It More Than What It Is

This is a very common mistake most people in these friendships make. They agree to be friends with benefits in hopes that the other person is going to eventually fall for them too. Not only is it manipulative to initially agree to something because you have underlying motives, it mostly ends up screwing you in the end (not in a good way, ya know, the way y'all originally agreed on). Be honest with yourself and the other party. Do you have more than a sexual attraction to this person, even just a tiny bit? Honor that feeling and don't sell your feelings short by agreeing to something that isn't enough for you. 

Note That This Person Does Not Owe You Anything but Safe and Respectful Sex

Who's that commenting heart eyes under their picture? None of your damn business. Y'all are both able to date who you want to, go where you want to, and do what you want to. You all do not owe each other an explanation, romance, or any of the fundamental things of a romantic relationship. Just because you choose not to be with anyone else doesn't mean they are obligated to do the same. The only thing they owe you is a clean STD test and respect for your boundaries and vice-versa. 

What It Looks Like to Love a Man Who Doesn't Love Himself

He Needs Constant Validation or Else  

Let you go one day without calling him handsome, sweet, or any term of endearment, he will get the notion that you think there are better men than him out there and you’re interested in searching for them. This wreaks havoc on the little confidence they do have. To avoid this, they will try to make you chase them. They do this by starving you from affection and attention so that you will work twice as hard to keep them. You’ll work hard by flooding them with compliments and romantic gestures. They read in a fortune cookie that absence makes the heart grow fonder and ran with it ever since.  The romantic things they do or say to you is not just to make you feel good, it’s for them to get those same things in return and then some. They don’t want a girlfriend, they want a groupie.  They balance it to where they do enough to keep you but also keep you thirsting for them. 

Constructive Criticism is an Attack to Him

Their flaws are not up for discussion. They are aware of them but don’t even love themselves enough to fix them for themselves, let alone you. They are looking for someone to overlook their flaws, not look into them. Wanting improvement for someone more than they want it for themselves is a draining, and dead-end journey. You can’t love someone into perfection. You can give them all the wisdom, words of affirmations, and even the clear proper channels as to becoming a new and improved man. However, it is all useless if they aren’t willing to put in the work let alone properly acknowledge their shortcomings. 

He Doesn’t Value Time 

Not only does he not mind wasting your time, but he also does not mind wasting his own. Those who love and value themselves know that you can make money back but not time, so they want to make the very best of it. They make sure that their time and energy is being donated to things that improve their lives. A man who loves himself would not juggle multiple women and play reckless unnecessary games. He doesn’t have time for anything that lacks substance.  A man who loves himself is looking to elevate himself and those around him. The way he loves himself reflects how he loves you. Is he wasting your time? Does he contribute positively to your mental and emotional health? Does he bring distractions into the relationship? Men who don’t value themselves don’t value time. 

Inspirational Self-Love Quotes You Needed to Hear Yesterday

1.. "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."

-Audre Lorde 

2. "I need to see my own beauty and to continue to be reminded that I am enough, that I am worthy of love without effort, that I am beautiful, that the texture of my hair and that the shape of my curves, the size of my lips, the color of my skin, and the feelings that I have are all worthy and okay."

- Tracee Ellis Ross

3. "You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer being served."

- Nina Simone

4. “What you leave behind says as much about you as what you bring along.”

- Jacquelyn Middleton

 5. “We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”

Wisdom Doesn't Always Come With Age: Bad Baby Boomer Advice You Were Probably Given

You Have To Get Under Someone In Order to Get Over Someone

That is how you become a codependent person. It is imperative that you learn how to feel through things and process emotions on your own. Otherwise, you'll become someone who needs romantic relationships in order to feel complete. The best way to get over someone is to accept that your life is a book with many chapters. Not everyone is meant to be on the next page of your story. 

Technology is Making You Dumb

That is actually the total opposite. Due to technology, we are now able to spread information much more quickly and efficiently more than ever. You do not have to read your research from outdated books and studies. You can access new information from prolific scholars with a click of a mouse. Also, you can get things done more quickly like pay bills, grocery shop, and other day-to-day things with the convenience of the internet. That allows you to have more time for other things such as self-development. 

Unique Ice Cream Flavors To Try (Recipes Included)

1. Rose Petal Ice Cream 

Rose Petal Ice Cream has the aroma of freshly sprayed rose water. It’s sweet yet distinctive taste is a flavor that you never knew you needed until now. Here’s the recipe by geniuskitchen.com. 

Ingredients 

Rose petal from 3 organic roses 

1/2 cup milk 

3 1/2 cups of heavy cream 

1 cup granulated sugar (available at Middle Eastern stores) 

6 egg yolks 

1/4 cup rose water

3 drops red food coloring 

Short Story Sunday: Erase, Replace, Embrace, New Face

“What the hell am I doing?” I scream to my best friend Cassie via FaceTime whilst showing her my 8th outfit change. This is the very first date I’ve been on since the end of my 8-year relationship. Let’s just say when a man says that he isn’t ready for marriage, believe him.  Anyway, I almost feel guilty for going on this date. I haven’t looked in another man’s direction in almost a year after the breakup. I was still emotionally committed to him. I completely was up until I met Rowan. He goes by “Ro” for short. Makes sense because he sure “Ro’s” my boat (I know corny but couldn't help it). Everything about him is captivating though, from his strong build, his glowing almond roasted skin, and eyes that make the sun envious. He’s on the cusp of clean cut and earthy which makes my pupils dilate twice their size. His most sexy feature, however, is his mind. When he speaks I hear wisdom, intelligence, and observation. I finally got comfortable being on the phone with him but this is our first official date so my nerves are frenetic. “Bitch, he said dress comfortable. Why are you wearing a dress?” Cassie asks irritably.  I pull the maxi dress from over my head and throw it into the reject pile. Maybe I am over-thinking this. I walk over to my dresser and opt for a pair of shorts and a flowy top. He said to dress comfortably and besides sweats, this is what’s comfortable for me. I put on minimal make-up but enough to make my face pop. As much as I would love to go with a beat face, this hot California weather won’t allow it. I’d sweat it all off. Can't give him scare-crow aesthetics. My phone buzzes, it’s Ro.