Those who request friendship after a breakup always give me pause for a few reasons. Your lover is supposed to already be your friend in the first place. What comes with friendship? Loyalty, respect, and trust. You know, all the things they've proven to fall short on. So the fact that they could not respect you when you were their significant other but claim that they can give you the treatment you've been demanding but only as a friend, means a few things.
They Want to Keep Their Access to You
It's weird to send your ex a good morning text but not your friend. This person can pop in and out of your life at their convenience and call it friendship. Friendship does not carry all the same obligations relationships do. Relationships come with responsibilities such as commitment. Some even go as far as mimicking a relationship but when feelings get high and expectations begin to sound like the expectations of a relationship, they can easily fire back and say "We're not even together, we're just friends". In short, trying to preserve a friendship with someone you've once shared a deep level of intimacy with can lead to mix signals and it's manipulating. They don't want to lose you but they don't want to keep you either.
They Want to Book Mark You
Some people can't help but to flirt with the idea that no matter how good their bond is with someone, something might be even better for them out there. In result, they allow their curiosity to tear apart their relationship. They starve you of love and attention to donate that energy to other people to see if it turns into anything like how they imagined. However, something in the back of their mind knows that what they have with you is a good thing. They don't want to completely lose that in case their curiosity finds them nothing. In result, they bookmark you. Once they see what's out there, and find out that the grass isn't that green on the other side, they are ready to revisit being more than just friends. You are not a last resort and you are no one's seasonal trend.
They Want to Keep the Part of You That Loves Them So Much
They love the way you love them. They know that it can be 3:00 AM and you'll still pick up the phone for whatever they need. They won't do the same for you but they still love your loyalty. They love the fact that they have someone who will give them their last, love, attention, and fight for them. Although the feeling isn't mutual, they adore waking up in the morning knowing that someone has made them their world. That is not fair to you and your big heart. People like this prey on Empaths. They want your love but won't ever properly reciprocate.
Being Your Friend Eases Their Guilt
They don't want you but knowing that you don't hate them makes them feel a lot better. They aren't good at confrontation. They know they may have messed up or just simply feel guilty about ending the relationship. They think being your friend would make both of you all feel better. They won't have to worry about you speaking ill of them or looking like an asshole. To them, it maintains peace. However, it doesn't. You may not have any ill will but seeing their face, hearing their voice, and picking up their calls is not fair to your healing. Setting clear boundaries is important. A friendship with them while processing your raw feelings is not giving you the time or space to do that. The relationship that is deceased cannot fade away into oblivion if you're still going to places "as friends" together. There are so many memory triggers around you. You two go out for pizza and y'all's song begins to play. How awful. You need time to get over that.
There are over 7 billion people in the world to be friends with and none of them needs to be your ex. Protecting your energy is not bitter. You are not cutting them completely off out of hate for them. You are doing it out of love for yourself. Self-care is releasing things that no longer serve you.
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