If being out of your presence feels safer than being in it, I am going to choose my safety. No friendship should feel like a constant war between peace and loyalty. Friendship is supposed to feel safe. I’m not just talking about external safety. You are supposed to feel mentally and emotionally safe around your friends. That means feeling considered, cared about, and supported. We may not always agree and we may not even always understand but we are to have each other’s best interest at heart when the dust settles. Those who are sensitive towards who you understand this and they do the following things below.
They Respect Your Lifestyle Changes
You tell your friends that you are no longer drinking. You are challenging yourself to take a healthier direction. However, they send shots of tequila your direction instead. “You can have ONE shot. Don’t be boring.” They say. “Now, you know you are not going to stop drinking!” the other one says. The outside pressure begins to feel heavier than your own temptation. They aren’t respecting the goal you set out for yourself at all. You end up taking the shot because of the desire to not be “the boring friend” overpowered the desire to not drink.
They were insensitive to your choice as well as you. People who are sensitive to who you are will never make you feel bad about making a change you think is best for you. They may not see any harm in drinking but they won’t shove it in your face. Although you have to have self-control, your surroundings should be more supportive than tempting. If you care about someone who is choosing not to indulge in something, do not offer it to them. You can be even more kind by offering them an alternative so that they feel included.
They Honor Your Boundaries
Not everyone can come to my house. I know that sounds a little rude but not everyone is welcomed and I’ll tell you why. I’ve had “friends of friends” steal from me before and I’ve also had “friends of friends” bring bad energy into my home. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary so I had to create that boundary. I should not have to worry about the intentions of those who enter my sanctuary. That’s why I invite friends over that I trust in my home.
I had a friend who would ask to come over and then when she did, I’d be blind-sided with a couple of people I’ve either never met or rarely talk to, come with her. I had to explain to her why that wasn’t okay with me. If her friend(s) had to come with her, at least ask me or we can arrange to meet up somewhere else. She didn’t really take that seriously so I stopped inviting her over. My other friends, however, ask me if they can bring someone with them or they come alone. They may not have that same boundary as me, but they still respect that’s my boundary.
They Don’t Guilt You Into Hostile Environments
I have friends from different walks of life. Generally, my different groups of friends can coexist for a gathering such as my birthday, or a barbeque. However, I have had a couple of instances where two friends didn’t particularly care for each other. One of those friends of mine is the type of person where if she’s not comfortable, she’s not going. She doesn’t handle awkward situations as well as others. My other friend, who she did not care for, will act like you do not exist if she doesn’t like you. If she does acknowledge you, it may come off a little spicy. So, my friend who doesn’t like awkward situations turned down my invitation to my birthday party and offered to take me out to lunch for my birthday on my next available day to do so. Instead of guilting her, or telling her something like “you’re being selfish.”. I respected her boundary. Had I tried to guilt her into going, she would have been miserable. I would’ve even been a little miserable looking at her being miserable. Also, I do not put my friends in hostile environments. I defend my friends so if my feisty friend would’ve said something to make her uncomfortable, I would’ve checked her. Instead of all that potentially unraveling, I extended the invite while also knowing I had to value whatever choice she makes because I care about her emotional health. She still celebrated my birthday like the good friend she is, but she celebrated with me in a different setting. You never want your friends to feel unsafe or let alone making them feel bad for not walking into an environment they feel is detrimental.
They Are Honest With You Without Breaking Your Spirit
Delivery is everything. I had a friend who would tell you that she smoked weed more than she drank water. She could not do ANYTHING without smoking first. When she didn’t smoke, she became very irritable and anxious. It was clear that she developed a dependency on it. That dependency was eating a hole in her pocket and began to interrupt her life in other ways. I was nervous because I ain't-a sober saint either. I love a cold bottle of Jam Jar. I sat her down to talk to her about it anyway because I saw how it was affecting her in all facets of her life. I didn’t ambush her or shame her with names like “Weed head”. I told her that I loved her and I hated seeing her stress financially over weed and having break downs when she doesn’t get to smoke it. I told her I was willing to support her in any way I can. I didn’t want to overstep but I strongly felt that she needed to smoke in moderation or better yet, stop completely. I thought she would’ve hated me after that. Fortunately, I was wrong. She thanked me for not judging her but being honest with her. Her family confronted her about it but in the worst way which included screaming and name calling. She told me that she was struggling with her anxiety and that was no secret but she appreciated me not making her feel bad about it.
In short, you should be able to grow around those around you. Having to always prepare yourself to speak to your friends is an indication of a lack of peace within the friendship. In total, you should feel support, consideration, and genuine love surrounding you. You should not be in a position where you are always sacrificing your peace out of loyalty.
They Respect Your Lifestyle Changes
You tell your friends that you are no longer drinking. You are challenging yourself to take a healthier direction. However, they send shots of tequila your direction instead. “You can have ONE shot. Don’t be boring.” They say. “Now, you know you are not going to stop drinking!” the other one says. The outside pressure begins to feel heavier than your own temptation. They aren’t respecting the goal you set out for yourself at all. You end up taking the shot because of the desire to not be “the boring friend” overpowered the desire to not drink.
They were insensitive to your choice as well as you. People who are sensitive to who you are will never make you feel bad about making a change you think is best for you. They may not see any harm in drinking but they won’t shove it in your face. Although you have to have self-control, your surroundings should be more supportive than tempting. If you care about someone who is choosing not to indulge in something, do not offer it to them. You can be even more kind by offering them an alternative so that they feel included.
They Honor Your Boundaries
Not everyone can come to my house. I know that sounds a little rude but not everyone is welcomed and I’ll tell you why. I’ve had “friends of friends” steal from me before and I’ve also had “friends of friends” bring bad energy into my home. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary so I had to create that boundary. I should not have to worry about the intentions of those who enter my sanctuary. That’s why I invite friends over that I trust in my home.
I had a friend who would ask to come over and then when she did, I’d be blind-sided with a couple of people I’ve either never met or rarely talk to, come with her. I had to explain to her why that wasn’t okay with me. If her friend(s) had to come with her, at least ask me or we can arrange to meet up somewhere else. She didn’t really take that seriously so I stopped inviting her over. My other friends, however, ask me if they can bring someone with them or they come alone. They may not have that same boundary as me, but they still respect that’s my boundary.
They Don’t Guilt You Into Hostile Environments
I have friends from different walks of life. Generally, my different groups of friends can coexist for a gathering such as my birthday, or a barbeque. However, I have had a couple of instances where two friends didn’t particularly care for each other. One of those friends of mine is the type of person where if she’s not comfortable, she’s not going. She doesn’t handle awkward situations as well as others. My other friend, who she did not care for, will act like you do not exist if she doesn’t like you. If she does acknowledge you, it may come off a little spicy. So, my friend who doesn’t like awkward situations turned down my invitation to my birthday party and offered to take me out to lunch for my birthday on my next available day to do so. Instead of guilting her, or telling her something like “you’re being selfish.”. I respected her boundary. Had I tried to guilt her into going, she would have been miserable. I would’ve even been a little miserable looking at her being miserable. Also, I do not put my friends in hostile environments. I defend my friends so if my feisty friend would’ve said something to make her uncomfortable, I would’ve checked her. Instead of all that potentially unraveling, I extended the invite while also knowing I had to value whatever choice she makes because I care about her emotional health. She still celebrated my birthday like the good friend she is, but she celebrated with me in a different setting. You never want your friends to feel unsafe or let alone making them feel bad for not walking into an environment they feel is detrimental.
They Are Honest With You Without Breaking Your Spirit
Delivery is everything. I had a friend who would tell you that she smoked weed more than she drank water. She could not do ANYTHING without smoking first. When she didn’t smoke, she became very irritable and anxious. It was clear that she developed a dependency on it. That dependency was eating a hole in her pocket and began to interrupt her life in other ways. I was nervous because I ain't-a sober saint either. I love a cold bottle of Jam Jar. I sat her down to talk to her about it anyway because I saw how it was affecting her in all facets of her life. I didn’t ambush her or shame her with names like “Weed head”. I told her that I loved her and I hated seeing her stress financially over weed and having break downs when she doesn’t get to smoke it. I told her I was willing to support her in any way I can. I didn’t want to overstep but I strongly felt that she needed to smoke in moderation or better yet, stop completely. I thought she would’ve hated me after that. Fortunately, I was wrong. She thanked me for not judging her but being honest with her. Her family confronted her about it but in the worst way which included screaming and name calling. She told me that she was struggling with her anxiety and that was no secret but she appreciated me not making her feel bad about it.
In short, you should be able to grow around those around you. Having to always prepare yourself to speak to your friends is an indication of a lack of peace within the friendship. In total, you should feel support, consideration, and genuine love surrounding you. You should not be in a position where you are always sacrificing your peace out of loyalty.
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