My ex in college and I broke up that year in September, but we didn’t stop talking until that November. Talk about confusion. I remember feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore and that there was someone else out there who was right for me. I didn’t like how he took his frustrations out on those around him. I didn’t like the way he communicated his feelings and I especially hated his taste in movies. Of course, there were other factors but to make a long story short, although he was a good person, we weren’t right for each other. So, I broke up with him. He was pretty sad but only for a little while because we talked all day, every day. It was almost like nothing happened. We felt better keeping each other around and it made me feel less bad for breaking up with him, which in hindsight was pretty selfish.
Eventually, it felt like we were in a relationship with no title. I felt guilty about going on dates. He called me every night and I called him. If he went almost a day without texting me, I was offended. We had no boundaries. We thought because we didn’t leave off on a bad note, that meant we should still be at least friends. “Let’s just be friends” is nice but unnecessary. The lines are too blurred after being romantically involved with someone. I later learned that you can be free from bitterness and wish someone the best without being in their life. Fast forward, my friendship (or situationship if you will) with my ex began to interrupt my life. I was ready to really get back out there. However, I knew that I could easily get a call from my ex mid-Netflix session which is not ideal for dating. It was almost like I was obligated to him. That’s when I knew it was time to set boundaries. It did not go well at all.
I thought my ex lost his mind. He refused to let me go. He showed up to my apartment, my school, he even tried to show up at places he knew I’d be, and tried to get our mutual friends to set up situations that’ll put us in the same room. After a week of dodging him, I thought the coast was clear. I went to a party with my friends and all hell broke freakin’ loose. I felt a forceful tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it’s one of his closest friends. He said “We’re still homies so I want to let you know that he’s on his way and is looking for you. He saw on snapchat you were here.” We had nothing more to talk about but he felt differently. At this point, he was scaring me with his shenanigans. I headed for the door and on my way out, blocking my way is a tall, emotional, ex begging to talk.
For years my friends and I thought he was crazy. His friends continued to tease him about being “in his feelings.” Having an emotional breakdown in the party and refusing to accept your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore wasn’t the best look on campus. It was like we broke up again but it ended much worst. Luckily, time passed and I matured more since then. After some growth, I look at that situation with new eyes and I definitely learned from it. It is imperative that you set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Don’t leave any loose ends.
Although it wasn’t my intention, I lead him on. Keeping him around created false hope that we will get back together one day. In result, he felt more rejected than before. After taking him through so much confusion he chased me down, desperately looking for closure to help him make it make sense. I wasn’t clear before which didn’t make anything clearer for him the second time around. How can you get over someone who is constantly in your face? It’s almost impossible. Also, you don’t have to leave off on bad terms with everyone who leaves your life and you also don’t have to be friends with them to ensure theirs no hard feelings. I could’ve wished him well and still not been his friend because all that did was confuse things.
After a breakup, we don’t need to check on each other. We don’t need to be on each other’s socials, and we can peacefully cut ties. It’s all love, we’re cool but I’m changing my Netflix password too. If we’re going to cut ties, we have to do this all the way. It’s for the best. We can both win in this life but it wasn’t meant for us to do it together and that’s okay.
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