One of the things that used to hurt me the most after a break up was feeling like I allowed someone to waste my time. I would start to think about the sacrificed time, money, gifts, and energy that I put into the relationship to grow, only for it to wilt. "What was the point of this? He could've just left me alone." I'd vent. Then as time would go by, I'll finally encounter the reason why that person came into my life. Sometimes things just make sense later.
One of my biggest teachers was a toxic man. To this day I often reference what I learned from that relationship and apply those lessons when making life choices. For example, when I hear things like "You're being oversensitive" or "You just have trust issues." I know that my feelings are being dismissed. As soon as I recognize those familiar red flags, I look down at my shoes and make sure they're tied tight enough so that I can run as fast as I can. His purpose was to help teach me to trust my intuition. Begging God for a sign is a sign within itself.
I've also learned a lot from a very kind, sweet, and gentle man who also turned out to be temporary. As great as he was, he was not right for me. We both had needs and goals that were no way near concurrent with each other to the point where compromise was impossible. He was passionate about missionary work and wanted to marry and travel the world, living a nomadic lifestyle and teach children. As beautiful as that was, that was not my dream. There's a lot of things I would like to do for myself first before getting married. I also do not find the thought of leaving my family and not being accessible to them, enticing. His passion for that lifestyle was the reason why he got up in the morning. If he could not spend his life this way, he would die inside. Although his dream was beautiful, I have dreams too. The thought of giving my dreams up to fit into his brought tears to my eyes. His dream wasn't a bad dream but it wasn't mine.
His purpose was to remind me how important it is to not neglect my needs. It is imperative that I am honest with myself and honor my dreams. Getting lost in someone else only strays me further away from myself. If I prioritize other people's happiness over mine, resentment will fester into my heart. I will always be asking myself when is it my turn to be happy. Now, when I come across someone who requires things from me that I am not willing to give, I immediately accept that it can't work and respectfully move on before things become too deep.
Lessons hit differently when you actually go through them. Some people's purpose is to merely remind you of the ones you know but took for granted. "When people show you who they are, believe them." is something my mom would always tell me. I thought I understood that until I was so infatuated with someone that I had an excuse for every red flag they showed. "I mean, that could've been his cousin's red nails at the left top corner of his snapchat story, holding a menu.". It wasn't his cousin by the way and I fully understand that lesson now and do not need to relearn it.
In conclusion, each person I shared my life with had a purpose. That purpose just didn't require them to stay forever. There's no such thing as wasted time when it comes to purpose. Learning that has taught me how to accept rejection and failure better. What broke me last year won't break me this year because I've been there before and this time I'm more wiser. I know that I will always come out golden. Not all relationships are forever and that's okay. When their reason for being in my life expires, there's no value in trying to force them to stay. I can't love them into staying. I can only learn from their presence and then their absence.
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