Coffee is amazing but if that's the highlight of your life then clearly some changes need to be made. That's exactly what I had to tell myself when at one point, a large Hazelnut Iced Coffee from Dunkin' was the only thing putting a smile on my face. After a hard session of analyzing and being honest with myself, I wrote down all the things that were draining me. I then wrote down changes that I knew I had to actually implement into my life if I wanted to be happy again. Here are some of the changes I made.
I Stopped Saying "Yes" to Things I Hate
Honey, I am officially "adulting." I wake up at 5:00 am and get home from work at 6:30 pm, five days a week. The last thing I want to do is spend my only two off days at a stuffy club or an awkward kickback. There have been quite a few times where I've allowed friends to guilt me out of my boundaries. I have allowed myself to be forced to attend events I didn't feel comfortable or safe at. I had a terrible time even when I tried to make the best out of it. Then I learned the art of saying "No" and I even got so good at it, I don't follow up with an excuse. I let the person know that I don't want to go. If I want to hang out, I offer a compromise. "Yeah girl, I hate clubs. I can't do it but would you be down to go to the beach?"
I Stopped Hanging Around People Who Don't Like Me
I'm not for everyone. The more I try to be, the more I stray further away from myself. I stopped going into spaces where I feel like I have to switch off who I am or audition for people's approval. I've been scrutinized for some of the most minute things like being girly, being too social or not social enough, and for some of my interest being "corny". It used to be a problem until I found people who actually like me. A hard pill to swallow is that not everyone is not going to like you nor are they required to. A big reason why I'm introverted is that I enjoy peace. Put me in a room full of people who I am comfortable with and see how extroverted I can be. I remember one of my friends made me go to a sleepover where some of the girls didn't like me there. "You barely go anywhere, just come. I'll have your back." She said. Well, she didn't. She got consumed with her friends and unfortunately I had a terrible, cringe-worthy time. Since then I promised myself to never force myself into unwelcoming social spaces. No one in that room added value to my life nor had my best interest at heart. Nonetheless, I'm glad I went only because it was such a good learning experience that I still refer to today.
I Blocked the Shaderoom
I began to notice how unconsciously negative my conversations became. I was always talking about celebrity gossip, constantly complaining and calling it venting, and excited to listen to information about other people's business. How you treat people and the way you talk about others is a reflection of yourself. I did not like what I was seeing. Also, being in an office environment where backbiting is apart of the culture also wasn't helpful. I began to feel like I was on my way to mean girl status and I absolutely refuse to be the reason why someone feels like less than what they are. So, I decided to protect my ear and eye gate. First, I blocked the shade room and blocked all gossipy post. I filled my timeline with things that are about improving my quality of life. Before I speak on anyone else I ask myself "Is it true, nice, or necessary?" If it doesn't meet those requirements, I don't speak on it. I am interesting enough where I don't have to talk about other people to have a conversation. I have my slip-ups but I correct it. I don't want to attract venom into my life.
I Learned the Power of Management
What sense does it make to pray for financial freedom when you can't manage the money that you have now? Why pray to own a home when you don't respect and clean the place that you live in now? Why beg for good health and a fit body when you won't even manage a 1,500 calorie diet now? Why ask for your own business when you do nothing but procrastinate? Will you give an incompetent procrastinator a CEO position? God helps those who help themselves. There's a lot of people who ask for miracles that they can't or won't manage. I can say my affirmations every day but if I put no action behind my words, I may as well be just singing song lyrics. Faith without works is dead. Apart of that work is learning. Laziness isn't always the issue, it's just the lack of knowledge. Learning and applying that has shifted my life. I make purposeful purchases (so way less uber eats orders) and food choices. I also spend my time with purpose. I show my gratefulness by managing everything I have well. Ever since doing that, my life has attracted abundance.
I Began to Value My Approval More
All I had to do was press "Publish". I was unsure about a blog post I wrote. I sent it to my friend waiting for the clearance on if I should post it or not. She replied with "Hmmmm, Idk. You're telling too much of your business on it." I told her thanks. I published it anyway. That post is my highest read post and the feedback I've gotten from it has been overwhelming. "Thank you for this post. It was right on time and has really helped me" was the kind of messages I was getting. From then on, I started trusting myself way more. My approval is important. I can't always go off of what feels right to others. I have to do what feels right to me.
That's just some of the recent changes I made that were conducive to my life. we all have different struggles but when we are honest with ourselves about them and actually do the work as far as dismantling them, it makes a world of a difference. I hope you all take time to do the work too.
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