I'm Not Giving Energy To Those Who Can't Replace What They Take

It's about time we talk about Emotional Vampires and their parasitic qualities. These people are your family members, a couple of your friends, coworkers, and that boyfriend who ain't really your boyfriend. After dealing with these people, you need Jesus and a Drank! You may have someone in mind as you're reading this. Allow me to solidify what you are feeling by exposing their characteristics and what it looks like to be bitten by them. I reclaimed my time and now it's time for you to as well.

1. You Have to Prepare Yourself to Speak to Them

You may as well save their number as "Count" because that vampire completely depletes you of your energy. Even the thought of contact with them is overwhelming. You may fear that they will try to start a fight, ask you to do something (these vamps do not believe in reciprocation by the way) or they simply have this negativity surrounding them that is so potent, you can feel it before it even hits. You end up donating energy you can't afford to lose, only for them to suck it up and go about their day. They drain you quicker than an android battery and one conversation can lead you desperately needing to recharge. 

What to Get Your Bougie Cousin for Christmas

I am qualified to give you this information because I AM the bougie cousin. 

1. Coffee Frother 

Fluffy coffee is just fancier. It's a nice texture and it makes coffee look a bit extra, just like us. 

2.  Leg & Foot Massager 

After a long day of wearing sexy painful heels,  we need to decompress. What better way to recover than getting a foot and leg massage as you drink a tall glass of Rosé?

Rose Letters 4 "The Uber Driver Tried to Fight Me"

For my new Roses, “Rose Letters” are confessions submitted to raven@ravenrosado.com and posted here anonymously. Come get some things off of your chest. This is a safe space.

1.    It was like the 9th date and I felt comfortable enough to have him over. I decided to cook for him so that we can have a nice, intimate dinner, talk and listen to a nice Neo Soul Playlist because we dig the same music. Anyway, he set the table and I made our plates. I've been sipping on wine all while I was cooking and had to go to the bathroom badly. My bathroom is on the same side of the house as the kitchen so I can hear really good in there. As I'm sitting on the toilet, I hear this man put his fork down and say to himself "This shit nasty as hell." It killed the vibe for me. I wanted to tell him to leave then, but that ain't right. To be petty though, when I got back I asked: "Do you like the food?" He said, "I like you." That made me even madder but kind of relieved that he wasn't a liar. 

2.    My son doesn’t know when to STFU. I got off the phone this morning to get him ready because I was taking him to meet up with his father’s side of the family at a decent restaurant nearby. His father started hanging with an uncle who runs with the wrong crowd and got caught up in some mess. He’s currently serving a sentence. I make sure that my son still gets to see his grandparents, aunts, and cousins. Well anyway, We get ready to go, and we get to the restaurant. His grandmother says “I really like this place, this is nice” then my rock head son gon say “Mama picked this place because she doesn’t want Y'all in her house. “ I must’ve been talking too loud on the phone and he heard me. I didn’t even react. I just dissolved in my seat. Didn’t know what to do.

A List of Things Not To Ask Me On Thanksgiving

Share this with your nosey aunties to save some edges. 

1.    So, What’s Next?

Let me know when you find out because I want to know too! Not everything goes as planned and it’s overwhelming to even think about let alone be in that space. I am trying as hard as I can to navigate through life in the most practical and happiest way possible. Growth comes with discomfort and it is the last thing I want to think about on a holiday where I am supposed to relax, eat, and enjoy myself. This question used to burn me up before I graduated college because all I can think about is how the classes that were electric sliding on my nerves HAD to be passed in order for me to graduate. Let’s not even go into Post-Graduation and Sallie Mae wanting their money and your soul, plus interest. 

2.    How’s the Love Life?

Whether my love life is in shambles or stellar, I am not trying to discuss it with y’all at the table. That’s an invasive question. If I feel like sharing I will. I am not interested in unsolicited opinions either, especially from family members whose generation married for survival more so than love. That’s some whole other tea for a whole different hour though. 

Rose Letters 3 "I accidentally uploaded my nudes"

For my new Roses, “Rose Letters” are confessions submitted to raven@ravenrosado.com and posted here anonymously. Come get some things off of your chest. This is a safe space.

1.    It feels weird to admit this but I have crazy feelings for my homie’s girl. He doesn’t even care about her. He got like 3 other girls he’s talkin to. She doesn’t know for sure but peeps something is going on. She vents to me about it and all I can think is how I would never put her through that. She’s really hard not to like. Something is wrong with dude. But guys like him always get the girl. Sucks. 

2.    I once snuck my ex to my job and we had sex in an old storage closet. I knew my coworkers were gone for the rest of the day.  It seemed like a cool idea at first until we got locked into the room where a closet was.  I had to walk all the way around downstairs to the security guard to come open the other door so I can get my stuff. All the while he was hiding in another closet because no one knew he was up there.  when I finally let him out he walked out the door like normal and pretended he was just in client needing my services... well he kinda did. 

3.    I had the house to myself and invited over some boy I was talking to on and off. He was home from school for summer break. My parents don’t like me having company while they aren’t home. Especially when they’re not in town. Everything was going good. We were chillin’ drinkin’ and watching movies. My sister was coming home later tonight so I didn’t want him to spend the night (because she would definitely blackmail me.) He said he understood and  wasn’t offended and left out a little before 1. Why did his drunk ass back into my garage and leave a HUGE dent on the door!? I was so mad I told him to just go. My sister pulled up almost as soon as he left. Her and her friends were super drunk and should not have been driving. My sisters friend pulls into the garage. My sister is sloppy walking in the door as I hold it open for her. She was too drunk to notice anything. Perfect. Long story short, I blamed the dent on my sister’s friends and my story was believable cause my parents saw how drunk they were on snapchat. 

Rose Letters 2 "My Kids Suck"

For my new Roses, “Rose Letters” are confessions submitted to raven@ravenrosado.com and posted here anonymously. Come get some things off of your chest. This is a safe space. 

1. I accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat. Then I helped them look for it. 

2. I only committed to my last relationship because the building I was staying in was raising the rent. I told shorty I loved her and thought we should move in. Once I got my money up I acted like everything she did bothered me. She was cool, I just wanted my old life back. 

3. I dated my best friend's step-father. It's over now so even though I feel a little guilty, don't see the point of bringing it up now. 

4.  I only offer to baby-sit so that I can make my siblings do my chores. 

5. I know my mom is cheating on my dad but I'ma just mind my business. He ain't shit as far as a husband anyway. He lays around, yells at us, and he never has pants on. It's not right but I don't blame her. She looks happier now too. 

Advice for Women in Their 20's from Women Over 30

I've collected advice given from women over 30-years-old who wished to share their infinite wisdom with us younger ladies. Here are my favorite words of advice.

1. “Don’t get attached to anything that isn’t yours. Whether it’s a man or a job, if it’s for you, you would not have to suffer in order to keep it.”

2. “Take care of yourself. The better you are, the better you will be able to help others.”

3 “Stop procrastinating. You are delaying your accomplishments when you do that.”

4. “Don’t complain about anything you aren’t willing to take action against.”

5. “Become financially literate. You’ll be more comfortable in the long run.”

It’s Not Your Horoscope. You Just Suck.

I am not coming at anyone’s beliefs. I am just saying some of our problems are self-induced. I used to go to school with Satan’s baby sister and she swore up and down that she was inconsiderate, obnoxious, and a habitual button pusher because she is a Scorpio. No girl, it is because you need therapy. I am genuinely concerned about the number of people who are literally blaming their flaws on their birthday instead of acknowledging them and handling them. There are other Scorpios out there who have healthy relationships with people so that ain’t it, sis. 

How I Began Treating Myself More Nicely

One of my favorite African Proverbs is “When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm.” I must admit. I am my toughest critic. People's words used to bother me so much because I was already so hard on myself as it is and the enemy outside was able to validate the criticism that was coming from the enemy within. Constructive criticism is great but you need balance. I was lacking that balance and it began to negatively impact my life. Here is how I reversed that.

I am My Biggest Believer

This is easier said than done. I had to believe that better was coming my way even when I couldn’t see it.  I just had to trust that good things were coming my way and sure enough, they were. The Law of Attraction ain’t no joke! Once I started visualizing, manifesting, and claiming the things I wanted, They started happening for me.  I also started manifesting the kind of woman I wanted to be. Every time I felt like procrastinating or laying around I would say to myself “I am prolific”. I kept labeling myself as “prolific” instead of a “procrastinator”. Then, sure enough, I began to notice how productive my days became. I get so much done in a day now.

I Started Saying No

I don’t agree to doing things I hate. If I don’t want to go out Friday night, I am not going to go. I used to let people guilt me into saying yes. I was being a people pleaser which is pretty much putting your happiness last for people who put theirs first.  I got so good at saying no, I stopped following up with an explanation.

Self-Care Sunday Routine

Pampering yourself on a Sunday is a great way to start off the week. Here is my favorite routine that leaves me feeling energized and in good spirits.

1.Take a Vanity Bath 

Sometimes I do bath bombs or essential oils. Rose petals and rose milk bath soap is great too. I draw a hot, bubbly, bath and add my favorite scents and products in that leave me smelling amazing and feeling like silk. I replace my bathroom lighting with candles, turn on a relaxing playlist and soak. From the sweet aroma, the dimmed lights, and amazing music gently playing, my worries sail away.

Rose Letters | "My dad’s boss is my sugar daddy."

For my new Roses, “Rose Letters” are confessions submitted to raven@ravenrosado.com and posted here anonymously. Come get some things off of your chest. This is a safe space. 

1. To avoid being in debt forever, I paid for my education while attending school. It got to be too difficult working a job for pennies and taking 16 credit hours. I quit Chipotle and started a new gig being a naked sushi model. I made like $600 bucks on a bad day and I only did it for a couple of hours on weekends. I told my parents I quit Chipotle to walk dogs. 

2. I don’t feel bad for anything I do and nothing makes me nervous. I learned how to act out emotions but I don’t feel them. I apologize for stuff so I don’t have to deal with it. Not because I care.